You Didn’t Do Anything But Love Me, But I Needed To Love Myself

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Brandi Redd / Unsplash

I wish I could store all of our memories in a music box. It would feature a haunting version of our song, and it would play whenever I’d open it. I would only open it on occasion, and I’d smile as I did. I’d see our memories floating before me like a beautiful flashback. A flashback that would only bring joy.

I would safely tuck this music box under my bed, like a secret that only you and I shared. Just like our love was a secret that only you and I shared. But, I can’t.

So, I will continue to carry our memories the way that I have been. I will continue to see you in every street corner where we took a stroll, in every theater where we saw a movie, in every whiff of red bull on a stranger, and in every book character that turns from evil to good.

You were always a kind reminder that my words meant something, that my opinions mattered, that I was meant to do great things. You always pulled me up when others brought me down.

I found myself depending on you for courage, so I had to let you go. I had to find courage within myself. I had to be my own voice of reason. You didn’t do anything but love me, but I needed to love myself.

So, I’ve been waking up every day and reminding myself that I am not my insecurities, my failures or my fears. I’ve been waking up every day and reminding myself that I am a beautiful masterpiece that God created. I’ve been waking up and reminding myself that some stories end so other stories can begin. But our story will never end, because you will always be the chapter of the book where I find myself. TC mark

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