Trust issues. Who doesn’t have them?
I’ve always believed everyone has had trust issues at some point in their lives, maybe some just have it more than others. Mine though, is a different story. I’ve had serious trust issues for as long as I can remember. I’ve always attributed it to past painful experiences. Those that made me not want to trust anyone anymore, not even myself.
The absence of the ability to trust made me anxious my whole life. I always had to keep my guard up. I hated being lied to. I dreaded being abandoned and so I had to work extra hard to keep certain people close. I doubted my worth, and never believed in my strengths. Not having control over something or someone messed with my head to the extreme.
Not too long ago I started to see things a little differently. I slowly realized, the problem was not that people cannot be trusted. It was that I wasn’t willing to.
Sure, people would lie. They’d do things to hurt others. They’d betray, they’d abandon, they’d let others down. That is a fact. Because no one is perfect. Building walls to protect me from getting hurt is not the solution. Isolating myself and keeping myself from opening up to and accepting others isn’t either. Taking a chance is. Giving a chance is.
And because I did not know where to begin and I had no idea what the word even meant, I told myself to begin with the one I should have known all along that I can trust. Him.
I am not trying to be better than the rest of you. I am no saint. My faith is far from rock-solid. But I KNOW that He is the only one who has never let me down from then until now. I AM SURE, He will never let me down, ever. I have proven that over and over.
I began learning what trust is by believing in, to me, was the most reliable. I told myself, everything else will follow.
But the truth is, nothing else follows. You leave it all up to Him, end of conversation. Because when you put your trust in God, it is equivalent to knowing whatever happens is what is best for you.
He has opened my eyes to a lot of things just by trusting in Him. And now I can clearly see, there is hope even in the hardest of times. There’s light in the darkest of places. It’s okay to believe in the goodness of people and their ability to change no matter how impossible that may have seemed because people do change. That the cycle to unfortunate things happening to you can stop. That no matter how weak your knees are, you always have that rock behind you to lean on.
On rare occasions, I still find myself worrying about some things. Sometimes I still have a hard time believing in other people, including myself. And then I tell myself, when it is hard to trust them (or me), I can just trust the Lord. He will NEVER leave me, harm me, nor forsake me.
And that puts my heart at ease.