I think almost every child had been embarrassed by their parents at one point in their lives. And I believe a lot of them had said at some point, they will be better parents when they get the chance. I am no different.
What was different was that I did not say I will be better, I told myself I will be different. That I will take what I had learned growing up and I will use them to not repeat your mistakes, your shortcomings, and the things I did not like about you.
Yet as I grew older, I found myself turning into someone like you. One day I looked in the mirror and saw a bit of you in me. No, that’s a lie. I saw a lot of you in me. And I asked myself, “where did I go wrong?”
Until it hit me — I was asking the wrong question, because the question is, why was I trying not to be like you? What is wrong with being like you to begin with?
There may be things I still do not understand, things I do not agree with, that is because YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. Nobody is. And now I am looking at you with new eyes, like I am seeing you for the first time.
You are the daughter who disappointed her parents (like every other child) but spent the rest of the time they had on earth making up for it. The daughter who took care of her parents until their last breath while also taking care of her own children, and never felt tired.
You are the person who gave up her chance at getting a college diploma and turned down the opportunity to have a successful career, to sign up for a much bigger role — being a mother.
You are the mother who refused, and still refuses, to buy clothes for herself because she would rather take care of the needs of her children. The mother who sleeps on the couch waiting for her children to get home safe.
You are the friend who helps her friends, in whatever way she can, even if that meant giving whatever little she has left for herself.
You are that person. The person whose dreams took a back seat to help the people she loves realize theirs the best way she can.
You may have made wrong decisions in the past, just like everyone else, but you try. You try. And that is more than enough.
So what is wrong with being like you Mom? You are kind, generous, giving. I admire your simplicity. I admire your heart. The heart that’s endured so much, but never stopped beating for the people it loves.
The truth? It is not your passion in writing that I am most thankful for to have gotten from you. I am most thankful, that I got a heart similar to yours. We may both express our love in unconventional ways that some people do not always understand, but I know, the heart that I have, the one that has so much love to give, is something I got from you. And I am thankful.