I was really difficult to have to deal with huh? I think I was.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, now that I am in a much better place. I’ve been looking back at the past years, the most difficult times. I still can’t believe I’ve managed to crawl out of that hellhole. Can’t say I do not know how, though. Other than by God’s grace, I know a big part of it was because of people like you.
I am still not sure how you managed to deal with all the shit I dumped on you, or how taxing and burdensome I was. Just trying to picture myself back then, one thing is for sure: I was toxic.
It seems like I was just going through the motions, helpless and pathetic, drowning and not really wanting to be saved. I am very aware of how hard you tried to help me back then, with all your kind words and your empathy. But I was just unsalvageable.
You might have wanted to walk away. You might have thought of saving yourself. You might have gotten tired of the endless drama. You might have felt weary from the heavy burden I put on your shoulders. But you chose not to. And never once did you make me feel that I had become your biggest problem when I probably was.
I’m sorry. Sorry for taking up too much of your time, time that you could’ve spent on yourself or your loved ones. Sorry I demanded much energy from you. Pardon me for sucking out the positivity in you and trading it in with most of the negativity in me.
But more than that, thank you, my friend. Thank you for answering the phone calls you probably dreaded. Thank you for patiently calming my nerves every time I got anxious. Thank you for listening when I needed to vent. Thank you for responding to my messages at 2 AM.
Thank you for showing me what it is like to really have someone have your back even at times you would rather whack them to wake them up from their distorted reality. Thank you for supporting me even when you did not agree. Thank you for not just giving justice to the word “friend”, but also exceeding all expectations. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of the kind of love a true friend gives.
They say God sends us angels to help us during the hardest of times. I believe one of those angels is you.