It Hurts When Best Friends Leave Too

Kendra Kamp

I honestly don’t know where to begin. Maybe with a “hi”? Maybe “how have you been” is better. It’s been at least a decade since I last talked to you and somehow, what used to be familiar that it seemed like home, had become awkward. The person who used to be like family had turned into a stranger.

I carry a lot of memories of you in my heart. I still remember the first meeting, the first impression, the friendship that blossomed into something I might never have had with anyone else.

It was instantaneous. It seemed natural, you and I. The force that drew me to you was strong. And despite my hesitance to get close to people and let people in, it did not take long before I found myself allowing you into my life.

And not long after, I felt it was okay to show you who I really was. That it was okay to reveal to you the secrets of my heart. That it was okay to trust.

Because I knew then, you will be in my life forever, and that I was going to be in yours just the same.

People came and went, and we made new friendships but I did not think we found anyone who could replace each another. The time we spent together probably decreased overtime as we went about our own lives but we managed to still be each other’s number one person. You were my go-to person for anything and everything and I was yours.

And until this day, I still do not know what went wrong. I still don’t know where “best friends” ended and “strangers” began.

I retraced my steps over and over, and I still am clueless. All I know is that, somewhere along the way, we just stopped talking. The saddest thing is that there was no big fight, no explosive argument. There was nothing to justify why the friendship had to end.

Maybe I was too confident in the friendship that I did not try hard enough. Maybe you didn’t either. Maybe we just let the friendship die. Or maybe there was something else I do not know about. Whatever it is, it’s sad.

Twenty years ago, I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life. Now, I only have memories of what it was like to have you in it. I have always had questions in my mind, questions that are still unanswered. Questions that would occasionally bombard my mind. And no matter how much time has passed, my heart still aches when I remember the happy times, the sad times, and everything in between.

I have thought about reaching out, but I didn’t know what to say.

Today, I am stepping out of my comfort zone. I am deviating from my normal route and allowing myself to go back to where we last were. I hope you have a few minutes to spare. For old times’ sake, will you hear me out one last time? Here goes.

Thank you. Thank you for the journey that ended. No, thank you for the journey, period. Thank you for always being there when I needed someone. Thank you for everything you had done for me and with me. Thank you for leaving me with memories I will always cherish.

Sorry if I did not turn out to be the friend that you would want to keep for life. Sorry for whatever it was that made you walk away. Sorry if my grip was not firm enough that I had caused you to slip out of my world.

I wish you all the best things life can offer, because you truly deserve it. I am happy to know you have friends who give color to your life and people who are always there for you the same way I did and I hope you’d be happy to know as well that I have great people in my life who have my back the same way you did. I hope you know that no matter how many friendships I have made and continue to make, you will always have a special place in my heart. Although our journey has ended, I will forever be grateful that once in my life I had you as a friend. And somehow I hope you are too. TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog