Whenever we hear of people falling out of love, we readily empathize with the recipient, or should I say, the non-recipient of love. And we quickly condemn the person who fell out of love. If you are the victim in this tragedy, you ask, ‘how was it so easy for you throw everything away, to break my heart?’ ‘Does your heart have an on-off switch that you can just flick whenever you wish?’
To you whom she walked away from: it was not like that. After all, you were the love of her life, and she truly loved you. She meant every word she said right from the start. You know that.
Her eyes lit whenever you entered the room. She perked up whenever you were around. She was lost for words whenever you talked to her. And you brought color to her world when you asked her to be your girl.
Her world revolved around you. You were her battery, her oxygen, her defibrillator. She worked overtime to make the relationship work. She vowed to stay by you and she did even when things got tough, suffocating, toxic. And when it became unbearable, she begged you to help her make it work.
I am sure that you wanted to make it work as much as she did. But life happened. She walked away.
Yet she would like you to know, it did not happen overnight. She fought against it, and she fought hard. She consciously reminded herself of the good times hoping to reignite the fire that was slowly dying. She poured all her love into that relationship, that when all was said and done, she did not have anything left. It was like air being sucked out of her lungs. It was like poison killing her slowly.
It hurt her so, to realize that she did not have the energy to fight anymore. That she had turned numb, deaf, and blind to every little effort you made to salvage the relationship. It broke her heart to admit to herself that she still loved you, but in a different way. She loved you, but she was no longer in love with you. And she hated herself for the impending heartbreak she was about to give you.
She never would’ve imagined she would ever have to cause tremendous pain to someone whose happiness was once her sole purpose. But there was no turning back. She knew honesty was all that was left in her to give. She knew she had to break your heart to allow you to be happy again—after you have healed. She owed you that.
She would like you to know, she is sorry she caused you pain. She wants you to know, it hurt her more.