Some days, you are tired eyes and forced smiles that don’t look real, even to yourself. Some days, you look your absolute worst with unwashed, messy hair and mismatched clothes you threw on, because all that matters is that you are fully dressed and able to make it out the door.
Some days, you are silent or socially awkward because making conversation with people feels like the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Some days, you are the negative person who complains about everything because your pain is so overwhelming and all-encapsulating that it’s the only thing on your mind. Some days, you can’t get out of bed because your soul is so exhausted that your body has no choice but to follow.
And that is okay.
You need to know that that is okay.
You need to know that your heart is not always going to feel strong, that you need to forgive yourself for all the times you did not show others your very best. Forgive yourself for the times you are not able to see the best in yourself. If you’re worried that the people around you are judging you and cannot see you as a dynamic, multifaceted, emotional human being, then they are not the kind of people you need to concern yourself with. Because here’s the thing, lovely reader:
Pain cannot be ignored. Try as you may, you can’t compartmentalize it and hope that that will be the last you see of it. Some days you will feel it so acutely that it feels like you are nothing more than tired eyes, limp bones, angry words, and an aching heart. Like that is all you are. But please trust me when I say that.
This. Will. Not. Last.
You may become your pain sometimes, but don’t forget that you are still human. And the wonderful thing about being human is that you will change and grow through a spectrum of emotions. Trust that just on the other end of that spectrum in the next day, the next week, the next chapter of your life, is something that will not hurt.
You will become yourself again. But for now, forgive yourself for becoming your pain.