When I fell in love with you,
I fell in love with all that you are.
All that you were, and all that you could be..
You weren’t just a distraction from my failing relationship.
I jolly well knew what I was getting into.
I knew, and it didn’t stop me.
When I looked at you I saw something.
Some part of you that I felt could do with some company.
And I voluntarily, made that company, come from me.
Because if you want to say it, then yes, I am selfish too.
I really wanted to get close to you.
I wanted you to look at me with more loving eyes than you did your girlfriend at that time.
I wanted to be in your heart, and more importantly on your mind,
All. The. Time.
I guess that is my insecurity.
Knowing that I’ve never really had that wholly.
I’ve never really been loved, wholly.
Yes I was, jealous.
Of all these women who get to be loved.
Who get to experience what I could only, have only, been dreaming of…
As a result, I was bitter, and that yes, I’ll admit, that initially I only wanted to ruin your relationship.
But then I got to know you.
The deepest, darkest parts of you.
What made you smile, and what made you tick.
What caused you to hold back those tears that you were silently crying.
I saw someone hurt,
I saw someone vulnerable,
I saw someone lonely,
Someone like me.
I drew you out,
I brought your guard down,
I made you laugh, have fun and smile.
Maybe unintentionally, maybe knowingly, I made you fall in love with me.
But what I didn’t realize was,
that I was also doing this, to me.