Sometimes, I feel like it’s lame that I still think about you, and it’s not because you have such beautiful eyes or a comforting presence.
It’s because you were my closest friend. You made me happy.
We shared ourselves, our dreams, our fears. I know things about you that are still valid. Things that people who talk with you regularly still don’t know about you yet. We laughed together, walked together, talked together, cried together, whispered our ‘I love you’s’ to each other. We traveled together, facetimed, ate, slept, drove, and imagined life…just never apart. Never like this.
I never thought that when my friends would tell me that I deserve more that it would be in reference to you.
I never thought you would be the forbidden topic. I never thought you would break my heart, or that it would take this long. I am not just processing the end of a love interest, but letting go of you as a friend knowing that I still love you and that closure will never come my way.
It was so easy. I made it so easy, and that’s probably my bad.
My heart wasn’t guarded, and I never saw us not being us.
I was never prepared for us to become you and me.
But here we are.
I don’t talk about it to our mutual friends.
I don’t talk about it with my family much.
But I still get sad at random times. I still get randomly quiet and just remember moments.
I still miss you.
I don’t think I will ever stop missing you for as long as you are missing from me, but one day it won’t hurt as much. I won’t feel it. It’ll just be a gap.
You’ll still be gone but I will be used to it.
I will stop daydreaming of a different story.
You and I will choose other people and one day, we will refer to each other as ‘an old college friend’. But today, I know you were more than that.
Today, I will acknowledge that I am still falling out of love with you.
Today, I admit that it is a slow process, but I am healing.
Today, I know that it’ll be over soon enough.