Toxic relationships are not the easiest to spot when we are in them, but it is so important that you do notice if/when you are in on me and to get out as soon as possible. Here are X ways to tell if you are in a toxic relationship.
1. Passive Aggression Is Their Love Language
I cannot stress enough how important open and clear communication is in any and all relationships. If you can’t communicate openly and honestly then that’s a problem. You should not have to read into things to understand what they are trying to tell you. There should not be constant shade being thrown in your direction either. It’s all unnecessary, the snarky comments, all of it.
What you should do about it: You can choose to not accept that behavior. Call your partner out on it and ask that they speak directly to you about issues. If that is not possible, leave.
2. That’s MY Partner
When your partner becomes both possessive and jealous, this is a bad sign. On some level, yes we are human and we do get jealous but most of the time it is within reason. If your partner is controlling your social media and text communication, what you watch on TV, who you can and cannot see, then you have got to get out of that situation effective immediately.
What you should do about it: Express this concern to your partner. Let them know that you are not okay with being micro managed and controlled. If they cannot stop bossing you around and are unable to trust you, there is no need to pretend that you are in a good place together anymore.
3. What’s Wrong With You?
If the only time that your partner has something to say about you is when they are complaining about you or something that you enjoy doing. That is a problem. Yes, sometimes critiquing people is important but if that’s all they ever do… that’s dangerous. And if that’s all you listen to, you need to get away before you start believing those things about yourself too.
What you should do about it: Tell your partner what you notice. If your SO is unable to stop mocking you/tearing you down. Choose to stand tall and walk away from the nonsense.
4. Scream Matches And Passive Fights
If you are always fighting, but you never know why… that is a problem. Frustrating each other in a relationship is natural, but not when that frustration is your constant. No, when you are always fighting but it never solves anything because you still are just talking at each other and not engaging in a conversation.
What you should do about it: No need to lose your voice or makeup over an argument. If you guys can’t fight healthy…maybe this isn’t for you two.
5. T Is For Tension
When you two are alone or catch each other off guard, the tension is real. Your bodies have repelled each other and yours is asking you to leave.
What you should do about it: Try to clear the air. If that fails, listen to your body. Leave. Or be drained by the tension.
6. There Are Eggshells Down That Aisle Too
Your list of things that you cannot talk about is ever growing. So many topics have resulted into deep arguments. It is clear that you do not get along and that you may never be able to have an offense free conversation.
What you should do about it: At the bare minimum, you should be able to tolerate your SO’s presence. If you can’t even bring yourself to be around him or her, you should really just call it quits.
7. You’re Changing (In A Bad Way)
Change will happen regardless. But when you start being changed by your partner and no longer recognize who you are, that is a problem.
What you should do about it: Bring this up in conversation. Find good friends and people that know you to be your community. Let your partner go.
8. They Put You Down
There is a difference between constructive criticism and rudely tearing down one’s self-esteem. If your partner is always bringing you down or trying to make you feel small. This is an awful sign.
What you should do about it: Do not tolerate it.
9. You Are More Obsessed With Their Happiness Than Your Own
Happiness in a relationship should be a two-way situation. If you notice that you are sacrificing your happiness for theirs, know that this is a bad deal. You cannot be always struggling to make them happy and never have them make you smile.
What you should do about it: Focus on yourself as well.
10. The Beginning Of Your Relationship Is The Only Real Plus
You can look back at the beginning of your relationship and see how perfect you two once were. You see how your significant other paid attention to you, was kind, loving, all the things. You also see how that is no longer your truth. Don’t stay in a relationship for the memory.
What you should do about it: Pay attention to the here and now.
11. You Fight Dirty
Couples fight, that is just a part of being in a relationship. But how you fight should tell you everything about if you need to stay in that relationship or not. If you never resolve issues, behave passively, attack each other or worse, then this is bad. That’s a red flag. If you can’t fight better, stop trying. You are only hurting one another by prolonging it.
What you should do about it: Fight fair. For for you. If your partner won’t, save yourself the melodrama and stress.
12. You Are Growing More And More Cynical
When you hear love stories, you roll your eyes or kick yourself for ever believing that it could happen to you.
What you should do about it: Take a moment and acknowledge that good relationships do exist, but this is not one. Remove yourself accordingly.
13. Nothing Is Enough
Everything you do for your partner always boomerangs its way to you. You are starting to feel like it is damaging your personal growth. You always disappoint them and you feel like you are the problem.
What you should do about it: Tell yourself that you are enough. Tell them that too. If they dare to disagree, you must close that door.
14. You Can’t Rely On Your Partner
Ever. Anything you need for your partner to do for you will be done by you and an apology will come in from your partner (if that). You can never count on them to keep their end of the bargain.
What you should do about it: Ask them to step up their game. If they don’t…be brave enough to step up yours.
15. You Are Not Happy
When it comes down to it, you are not happy with your partner. In fact, you namely only feel stressed, bothered, insecure, irritated, and in the way.
What you should do about it: Choose your happiness.