7 Reasons Why Modern Dating Isn’t As Difficult As You Thought

Joao Silas

1. You were told that it is more difficult because…“sex is expected sooner than before.”

But really, that isn’t really a statement that is qualified. How soon or late sex is expected to be is very much up to how each person on the date views the topic. If they want you in bed, now, no dinner, then they will act accordingly. If you want food and no sex the first night, then the same is true. I will say, society at large is more open about its sexual escapades nowadays, but it is also more open about HIV/STDs so people are generally more cautious, except for when they are not. Millennials actually have a surprisingly low sex rate in comparison to their parents. Your expectation of when sex enters your relationship really is not generation specific. It really depends on the context of each person on the date. Maybe try communicating your expectations and asking theirs as well right of the bat if you really want to know.

2. You were told that it is more difficult because… “some people are afraid of commitment and do not want to accept the terms of being ‘official’ with someone else because it alludes to less freedom than hooking up does.”

But really, the fear of commitment is not something that originated with millennials. It has been around for as long as humans have been. Relationships are hard because people are complex, but that is also why they are completely worthwhile. The “what are we” question could probably be traced back to the very first set of humans. Love challenges us, all of us. It is no more difficult to accept it’s challenge today as it always has been.

3. You were told that it is more difficult because… “millennials are superficial and shallow. They are incredibly focused on the appearance of a partner.”

But really, we have always been this way. We are not blind to what we are attracted to. The difference is in how vocal we have become on our social media platform about our preferences. No one can determine what is beautiful to the beholder. What you need to understand is that there is no “one size fits all” for beauty. Someone would be attracted to that gap in your tooth, your freckles, your odd quirks. Don’t conform because of what you think someone else thinks is attractive. Be who you are and go from there.

4. You were told that it is more difficult because… “he or she won’t text you back on time.”

But really, life is busy. People have loans to pay back, jobs to work, homework to do, and their souls to be aware of. Someone can love you and not text you back as quickly as you’d like. Learning to be patience is a life-skill (not an easy one, but that’s why it’s called a skill). It takes time to develop. Don’t worry if you are left on read…worry if their day and night job is texting you back only.

5. You were told that it is more difficult because… “people think it’s cool to NOT show effort and do not want to be the clingy one.”

But really, putting in effort is sexy as hell. It tells people that you know you want and are willing to go for it, no reservations. More and more people in the millennial category are commenting on wanting someone who “knows what they want”. No one finds wishy-washy, uncertainty cute. Either be all in or be single.

6. You were told that it is more difficult because… “social media exists.”

But really, social media is a tool, not your relationship. You have to be twice as intentional to be in a real life relationship as you are to declare it to the online world. The best way to deal with this is by communicating with each other. Go away on trips and spend time with just you two. Take it easy and watch as it turns out not to be that hard.

7. You were told that it is more difficult because… “CHIVALRY IS DEAD.”

But really, it’s not and it’s better than ever. Chivalry has evolved from men deciding what women need based on predetermined standards to communication being the center-point for deciding what is and is not chivalrous in said relationship. Some people don’t want you to hold their chairs or the doors, but they want you to be want to be interested in topics that interest them like the outdoors, animal advocacy and/or art related things. If you want to know what makes your partner feel respected, maybe just ask them. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I am a New Yorker and I do things. Follow my rants and antics on Instagram and Twitter.

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