The Three Stages Of Moving On From A Crush

Unsplash, Max Poschau

It is undeniable, getting over someone isn’t always that easy. Specifically getting over a crush isn’t easy if you’re the type that goes way beyond her way to see him right? Or you’re someone who’s been crushing on someone for the longest time.

It’s hard to move on if seeing your crush or even that simple act of him/her passing by is enough to call it a day and for your crush to know you exist is already a big thing. All you ask for is his company and that alone is enough.

You see your crush in a deeper perspective. You know that there’s more to this facade, you want to get close, you want to know more and understand why he is the way he is BUT THAT ISN’T REALLY HAPPENING. YOU ARE STUCK.

People such as your close friends, colleagues or family can either call it as an obsession or fantasy but you know that it’s just a way to lighten up your day because at the end of the day you do know that it’s as close to impossible. Yet even if you know how unrealistic it is, seeing his face is just something that makes you happy… REALLY HAPPY and it even gets better when that crush of yours knows your name, he notices you even for the shallowest reasons and it makes you happy which makes it enough to make your day.

You daydream of scenes in your mind but reality and fantasy don’t really mix that well for all. Let’s all face the fact that LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE SCENE.

Oh I know for a fact that you hoped to be that invisible girl in that movie that this great romantic hero notices but welcome to reality it isn’t. As PAINFUL as it may sound, you’re just a passerby or an acquaintance that he/she interacts with every now and then and chances are that if he finds out… your crush may avoid you or in a lighter case, you’ll be friendzoned and crushed.

If you have finally woken up from that fantasy and you still find it hard to move on…I can tell you how BUT it’s not an overnight process but to acknowledge that you are in fact willing to move forward and move on from this hopeless situation…I commend you for that. I think it’s brave and heartfelt.

So here’s how you do it… THE 3 STAGES OF MOVING ON FROM A CRUSH (so you won’t be crushed)

STAGE 1 ( WAKE UP CALL )

Step 1. STOP DENYING.

You know and your circle knows that you are in fact infatuated and deeply emotionally attached to the thought of him and it’s okay. Show it and admit it because usually when people hide it, those intense emotions will bother you and it will be harder for you to move on. Cry if you have to just let it all out.

Step 2. NEVER BITTER.

It doesn’t matter what made you decide to stop having crushing on him. One way of you helping yourself on this muddy situation is to let go of all the grudges and accept it. One day when the time comes you know that this will not be important and it will be just a joke in the past.

Step 3. THINK OF HIS/HER WORST QUALITY.

Even if you say “He’s perfect, I can’t find a reason to hate him/her” I hate to break it to you but he’s not even entertaining the thoughts of you and my dear you and I know that somehow this could possibly lead to a dead end and an eternal toxic thoughts that will lead nowhere. Just find any reason or his trait that you hate so much.

Step 4.  YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Always keep in mind how big your heart is and how much love you can give to someone who’s special for you. Imagine that more with someone who appreciates you without you forcing yourself into someone’s life. Specifically your crush who doesn’t even notice you or see how great of a person you are. YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU DESERVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF LOVE AND TIME YOU DEDICATE JUST TO SEE HIS FACE. IF HE DOES NOT SEE THAT, WALK AWAY.

and that leads us to

STAGE 2 (WALK AWAY, FAR FAR AWAY)

Step 1. JUST DON’T TALK TO YOUR CRUSH.

Knowing you guys and girls, more likely you are the people who usually makes the first move. So I dare you to do this. DO NOT TALK TO HIM UNLESS HE TALKS TO YOU. Of course you don’t want to be awkward so if in case he/she greets you of course you can greet as well but do not cling on to the thought of your crush noticing and caring for you that much. Whether you’re close to your crush or not you have to distance yourself to assure that you will not expect AGAIN. Remember that LESS EXPECTATIONS, LESS DISAPPOINTMENTS.

Step 2. STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM.

Just shush, since everyone knows already that he is your crush, just stop talking about him. The less you talk about him, the less you realize things. The goal is for you to move on and not develop more emotions by being showered with butterflies when you talk about him. The more you talk about someone the more you feed people the idea that you are not over him so if the mind and the heart wants to stop, your lips should be
sealed to stop too.

Step 3. SOCIAL MEDIA…I DON’T NEED YAHH.

If you’re the kind of person who stalks or should I say research or let’s call it investigating,…then this has to stop. Unfollow if you must(well if he is someone who doesn’t know you, you know but if you’re close that would be awkward). Just stop searching for him and checking out how his day was or where he was or whom he’s with. You and I both know that being updated with this person’s life isn’t relevant now. Painful fact, he doesn’t even check you on how your day was. So let go of your phone and move on.

Step 4. DON’T GO THERE.

When you’re crushing someone that bad specially if he’s like a colleague at work or a friend or just someone who is nearby. Just stop. I know that you know some of your crush’s routines, where he goes or he may go to the gym the same time as you do or he may also go to the coffee shop or you’re just spot on wherever he is stop there. Just don’t go and pull back. Stop wasting on efforts on trying to have that moment with him. It’s addictive enough to know that he’ll see you and greet you but to him it’s just that but for you it becomes an addition to those shallow moments.

Step 5. IT’S TIME FOR CHANGE.

If usually he’s a part of your day then this time you have to change that. Find a new place to hang out or find another spot to have lunch in. It doesn’t mean that you’re totally going to avoid him by bot going to the place where he is, it’s just a simple way of avoiding the feelings to come through. Now that you have acknowledged the fact that you have to move on and let go of the thoughts of your crush… it’s time for

Stage 3 ( DIVERSION )

Step 1. SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE.

The less time you spend on thinking and sulking and the more time you spend with friends and family, the more likely it is that you will get all these emotional needs that you long for. The room for belongingness and having fun with the people who care for you gives a lot of positive energy and it’s a great way to take things off your mind. Find a great support system and for sure you’ll find happiness in this.

Step 2. DO WHAT YOU LOVE.

If you have a certain hobby that you love doing, it’s time to do it. Keep yourself busy to keep your mins off things. Read a book, go outdoors or go to the gym or just find awesome fun things to do.

Step 3. ME TIME.

Many people think it’s sad to be alone but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, people when they’re alone they tend to think more in a broader sense when they are given the space and time that they need. Pamper yourself, watch a movie, cook or bake yourself some cookies. Appreciate yourself with your me time. I hope you know how important it is to appreciate yourself and how much it means to be happy even when you’re alone because when you are, you will get to know yourself better and you will understand and realize the things. Even at the state of being alone you will value yourself more and you will know when it’s the right time to entertain someone new in your life.

Step 4. REPEAT

(Someone out there is better than him/her) this is the time that you open your options and repeat the process but this time. Do not expect. You are you and you are made into the person that you are for a great reason which you may not understand at the moment but someone out there will see you and he will look into your eyes and see his whole world stand in front of him and that is much more worth waiting for. If you’re the lucky kind and when I say the lucky …the kind of person who also was able to catch the attention of their crush and ends up dating them then good job! But this blog is for those people who endlessly plays Adele’s Chasing Pavements who never knows when to give or just keep chasing the unknown. TC mark

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