This whole thing is a journey; it’s not a sprint or any sort of race. I try to take as much out of every experience I have and refuse to chuck it aside and label it all a regret. When someone or something changes you, however much, I think that becomes more important than how disappointing things turned out.
1. Timing is everything
I can’t stress enough how impatient of a person I am. It takes me new levels of self-control to slow myself down to breath and relax. That applies to almost everything. So when I was ready to move forward and he wasn’t ready to mentally step into that realm of what we had, it took a while but it hit me that not everyone moves at the same pace. I forget sometimes that not everyone wants the same things at the same exact times. If it’s just not the right time for two people right now, sometimes that’s all there is to it.
2. What you don’t want
Just because things haven’t worked out the way I had hoped doesn’t mean, he’s a bad person… Well not necessarily. But I will say, when it hits you things are going downhill, the rose-colored glasses come off and you learn a couple things about what you don’t want. Those habits that were once cute turn out to be annoying, and those playful responses start to actually register a little ruder. You realize that you want someone with qualities that don’t turn on you like they did.
3. Obviously, what you do want
Next to that I will say, there is a reason you stuck around for so long. They did have parts of themselves that surprisingly grabbed your attention. You learn there are things you didn’t even notice you would appreciate finding again in someone new. When I looked at all the reasons he stood out from the other people I spent time with, despite his errors that’s where I found these things.
4. New things about who you are
I learned faster than I have before that I can’t speak about my emotions out loud no matter how hard I try. I was seeing someone who was more articulate about how he felt verbally than I could keep up with. It took me more time to process things than I knew myself to in order to form worthy responses. I don’t know if this is exactly a bad thing, but I do know being involved with someone that is different from people you’re used to surrounding yourself with will let you learn new things about yourself.
5. How to focus on yourself
The idea that I can still take the time to figure out more and more what I want and that I’m young enough to have the time is a good thing. Spending time with yourself really shouldn’t be so terrible. Granted being with someone you care about and appreciate can be a little better. But after being emotionally exhausted from stretching yourself to be the person you hope they will appreciate just as much as you appreciate them, it’s nice to be able to let that stress go.
For more raw, powerful writing follow Heart Catalog here.