I’ve had one serious relationship so far on my hasty dating path, and ever since I haven’t had much luck falling into another. Which is perfectly fine because really, what’s the rush? But I’ve been having this feeling that I may have started becoming a tiny bit self sabotaging when it comes the chances of something serious even happening in the near future.
I’m terrified of being hurt. Again. Not because of my last relationship but from all the almost-maybe we’re together? Yet not really, circumstances I’ve stumbled into along the way, that clearly haven’t worked out. Those situations you end up in with someone where you completely see and feel it reaching that blissful moment of the highly sought after official status but wait, that doesn’t even matter because it what seems like vanished in front of you all to quick. Those are what can be the most paralyzing. It’s happened enough to times to where now I absolutely refuse to make the same mistakes one more time. It’s become so bad that if I find someone I could actually like and I notice the slightest indication of it going down that road I’m immediately ready to hit the eject button.
I’m not saying I avoid continuing dating someone just because I see it ending because there are times when things naturally run their course. What I’m talking about is no longer overlooking shadiness, dishonesty and that gut feeling when something is just plain off. Not to mention something I know I’m not the only one guilty of ignoring, the fact that this other person and I are not on the same page with what we want. That’s probably one of the biggest red flags I’ve foolishly and blatantly thought would not bite me in the ass and I assure you has. Putting myself out there is one of the best things about being single but if I’m not in a rush then why am always I so quick to give the benefit of the doubt to those who looking back definitely didn’t deserve it just so they could be an upset later down the road.
That recklessness is what made me blind to feeling as though there was potential for something real when in actuality there wasn’t. It took me a while to become comfortable being alone and getting used to the idea of not having anyone there anymore. But finally reaching that point is making it much easier to get better at taking care of myself.
Self-sabotaging is not even what I want to believe this is, I’m going to look it as becoming a little less careless and a little faster at running the other direction for my sanity when it’s clearly time. Getting hurt is inevitable when it comes to dating and seeing what’s out there, we all know that but allowing someone I haven’t even built a solid foundation with to be the cause is just something I cannot do anymore.