I’d like to think that every time I make a decision with a huge impact — in particular, with relationships — I can immediately start looking at the bright side, but that’s not what happens. In fact, what happens is the total opposite.
Everyone reaches that point where things aren’t so simple anymore and emotions become more complicated than anyone can ever anticipate. The instant questioning of how I allowed this to happen piled with doubts of who I even am is the type of panic-filled mess I normally find myself in. The insightful moment where a lesson starts to break through only comes after impatiently allowing my feelings to evolve.
But even though when I am ready for answers, they don’t always come right away. Changing my outlook is what helps bring enough reason to at least start opening up to what I can take from the situation. It’s so easy to slip into this self-deprecating spiral but staying there only blocks you from moving forward. I have to constantly remind myself and believe it when I say that I’m not failing some sort of game at life when it feels as though a relationship has slipped through my fingers.
My friend, on the pessimistic side of a breakup, once brought up that people can be real assholes, which is obvious I know, but hear me out. “Even yourself,” she said. This is something I can’t argue with considering the bad decisions we’ve made to hurt the ones we loved.
My response was something I never truly realized till the moment I said it. It’s so spot on when people say you never really know someone, and because of this, sometimes you’re just never sure what they are capable of. When we mess up, neither of us think we would ever do such a thing until the moment presents itself. People don’t know you, and you don’t know yourself. No one is winning above anyone else.
I ended up hurting the person I loved because something was happening underneath that was left unaddressed. Whatever extent I recognized before it all fell apart could not have been more overlooked because in the end, it turns out the whole thing was much bigger than I thought. I’ve dealt with the pain that came simultaneously with all the mistakes. But even by confessing that that’s what they are — mistakes — I know I’ve already grown from what happened. This is all we can hope for in the end.
Admitting your faults and forgiving yourself is the most underrated mature thing we can do, and yet we refuse to do this so often. Yet letting go of the burden that comes with knowing you simply messed up can be a huge turn around for handling the messes we get ourselves into.
The process of finding out who we’re becoming is long, grueling, and endless. New experiences thrown our way constantly push us so it’s inevitable people may get hurt, including ourselves. It’s important to take a minute when crises hits and realize that not just you but everyone is trying to learn and figure this whole weird journey out for themselves.
Never lose sight of the path you’re on to keep reaching a better understanding of who you are. This is what makes life as naturally exciting as it can be. Not completely knowing who you are is what collectively should keep us all on our toes for what comes next. After all, there’s no finite and finished version of the person you’re becoming.