In the article “30 Things Girls Wish Guys Knew” by Grace Valentine of Baylor University, the first point she mentions is “Nice guys do not finish last.” But what does this really mean? Read on.
As a bit of context, Valentine also mentions in the next point is that “It’s a marathon, not a sprint.” “It’s a marathon, not a sprint” is supposed to tell you that the best relationships take time to really come to fruition, and metaphorically speaking, as long as you don’t burn yourself out early from going too hard to find a long-lasting relationship, you’ll make it to the end and find one that’s long-lasting. It’s a way to say that you should be willing to work things out and take the time to go the distance, since relationships are anything but easy. Just like a marathon.
In the description for “Nice guys do not finish last,” she says, “Yes, we are attracted to the cliché bad boy players whom we think we can change, but at the end of the day, every girl genuinely wants a guy who is her best friend, makes her laugh, treats her well, and keeps all his promises. Every girl wants to date a nice guy, I promise.”
Diving deeper into this, what it means is, that as a girl, you’ll go through guys who are the ‘bad boy players’ who you realize are not worthy of your time, since they don’t do any of the things that you genuinely want from a guy. It will happen that the ‘bad boy player’ is chosen over a nice guy, but it’s a process.
The nice guys start out closer to the bottom, but they work their way to the top by continuing to be who a girl is looking for, despite a girl’s current attraction to a bad boy player, and they’ll be at the top when it’s all said and done, since she will find that those bad boy players are not for her.
The guy she wants is a genuine guy. She is weeding out those toxic guys in order to find that guy she genuinely wants. That will take time, but she’ll find him. Similarly, a nice guy will be weeding out those girls who aren’t appreciative of him or worthy of his time, since in the short-term, they’re seeking the bad boy player instead.
“Nice guys do not finish last” means you don’t have to take a shortcut.
You don’t have to quit.
Don’t give up on love.
Don’t change who you are.
You were not made for that. You were made to walk the journey. You were made to be a nice guy. When you continue to do that, and that girl weeds out those bad boy players and finds you, other girls who did the same thing will look back and wonder what may have been when they miss out on you because they didn’t open themselves up to that chance.
“Nice guys do not finish last” means that a nice guy is the first, or one of the first, to truly appreciate and love a girl. He does this by appreciating all she’s been through, understanding her story, showing her respect, and appreciating all of her. He’s willing to hear all about her exes, all of the bad boys who hurt her, and to enjoy time with her without wasting her time, but most importantly, he’s willing to promise his dedication to her.
“Nice guys do not finish last” means that it’s OK to take your time right now. Be the nice guy.
The guy that every girl wants “is her best friend, makes her laugh, treats her well, and keeps all his promises” as Valentine describes, but she also mentions a point being “Cheaters never win.”
If the girl was a teacher and every guy she could potentially choose was a student of hers taking a test, a cheater would be the guy who got the best score, which looks appealing, but she will find out that he cheated so it’s like he didn’t actually put in any effort. Perhaps it means that he cheated because he didn’t have the belief in himself to succeed without cheating. But she doesn’t want to put up with the nonsense, and that’s something she will understand when she differentiates the bad boy players from the nice guys.
As a personal plug, I had struggled with this “Nice guys do not finish last” concept throughout my last two years of college when I really ignited the desire in myself to start dating seriously, since I was feeling increasingly shameful for being single.
What I didn’t know was, there’s no race to the finish line. Despite the contradicting things people have said, there are no winners or losers. Even when other guys around me were getting engaged and getting married, or even just getting together with their new girlfriends, I’m not supposed to follow their journey. I’m supposed to follow my own, a God-planned one.
Bad boy players, other guys who are married/engaged/in a relationship and girls who don’t appreciate me have nothing on me and they will never have anything on me, regardless of how much I wish I was in their position.
I’m single right now, but I’m happy with where I’m at in my life. The phrase “Nice guys do not finish last” reminds me that I should be nice, I should be kind and giving, and I should love myself and God.
There’s no shame in being single.
It’s OK to still be finding out who you are, and what you have to offer.
It’s OK to keep walking the steps and to be curious about what you will find.
It isn’t a race to the finish, but you’ll find that person along the journey since you took your time, and you’ll learn about yourself. You’ll be the best version of yourself, and you’ll learn that you have so much to offer. To that special lady, you’ll offer someone who is willing to do things with her, someone who is willing to take the time and be patient when building a genuine relationship with her, but most importantly, you’ll find your best friend and you’ll finish the journey together.