Self-hating Flamboyant Girl-Man w/ Acne Seeks Intimacy & True Love
By Paul Barker
Original Posting
new york craigslist >personals >men seeking men
VGL Dude Seeks Hot Dude
Age: 21
Location: BrooklynSup Bro. Im 5’11 140 blonde/blue slim and toned. Just a normal guy looking to mess around with someone soon. I can host anytime this week. I’m pretty laid back and chill, not into anything too crazy. Looking for guys under 35 who are VGL and fit. Must be Discrete. No endless e-mails, I’m real and don’t have time for games. I only play safe and I’m not into drugs. No Strings Attached. Could be a one time thing or a fuck buddy could be cool too. Hit me up with pics, stats, and what you’re into in first e-mail or no response.
Translation
Sup Bro (I sound like a real man when I call you that on the internet, you like real men). I’m 5’11 140 blonde/blue slim and toned. Just a normal guy (am an incredibly eccentric ‘queen’ type who talks like a woman and pairs antique mirror collection with velvet obsession) looking to mess around (develop a life long intensely beautiful and passionate romance instantaneously via e-mail attachment) with someone (anyone with a perfect body, and open mind – must be hot style person) soon. I can host (I want you to move in and stop going on craigslist before you ever read this ad) anytime this week (ever, anytime, ever). I’m pretty laid back (am obsessive paranoid style person with propensity for intense and immediate employment threatening cathexis with literally anyone that is willing to touch me) and chill (I used this word to make myself seem more like a cool dude style type person whom you would like to touch, not a purse carrying sissy who threatens societies expectations and standards of and for masculinity), not into anything too crazy (mostly I lie still as though I am asleep while crying secretly into the pillow as you release deep seeded emotional attachment issues within me through touch). Looking for guys under 35 who are VGL and fit. Must be Discreet (discretion is beyond me, I seek outlandish displays of homosexual intercourse and tender human connection). No endless e-mails, I’m real and don’t have time for games (please endless e-mails, I am lonely and lying to you and just want you to make me feel better and wanted for as long as possible while I imagine what it would be like if a jock like you could ever love me for who I am). I only play safe (I don’t play at all. This isn’t a game, its a commitment. If we do have sex, of course we will “play safe”, but make no mistake – I want a promise ring) and I’m not into drugs (are you? I can be too, its fine it really doesn’t matter to me at all, I totally can be into drugs). No Strings Attached (Heavy Duty Cable Welded). Could be a one time thing or a fuck buddy could be cool too (both sound awful I am not looking for either, lets go see a movie and you can carry me to my bed after and you can wear a suit or a football costume while you tell me what beautiful skin I have and how hot a dozen gilded mirrors make you – I have spare Kimono ready for the ill-prepared gentlemen visitor). Hit me up (call me love, lover, baby, babe, and beauty. Move into my studio apartment, I will save 500 dollars a month) with pics, stats, and what you’re into (tell me why you love me and why you always will, close your eyes because I don’t send face pics. Worst case scenario we start a relationship on my desktop, in a Folder of Your Own, you won’t be lonely. Be tricked by my misleading ad – but understanding and smitten upon meeting. Don’t tell me I’m too fem and don’t laugh at my armoire, feel comfortable in my gypsy bungalow. Never leave me) in first e-mail or no response.