I’m sure every guy, and even a good number of girls out there have, at one point found themselves in the dreaded “friend-zone.” That dark pit on unrequited love that gets deeper as you try to climb out, clinging to a thin thread of hope that maybe one day they’ll realize how great you really are, and you how you have been right for them all along.
And as someone who has been in that position too many times in my life, and as someone who has even climbed out of the friend-zone a few times; I’m warning you right now: you don’t want to date her. It’s counter-intuitive, I know. For however long you’ve known this person you’ve wanted them to finally turn around and see you has the person they were meant to be with and then when it finally happens some guy on the internet is telling you not to? That’s right, in most cases graduation from the friend-zone is the beginning of the end; and here are a few reasons why.
1. You Know How She Talks About Her Boyfriends
You’ve spent dozens, if not hundreds of nights listening to her complain about her previous boyfriends; about how every one of her ex’s has some sort of annoying habit or tic she loves to make fun of behind their back. Maybe he has a stupid accent or picks his nose or something. It could be any number of little things that she and you have laughed about at the expense of this poor guy. And when you’re her friend it’s perfectly ok; heck the guy probably deserves it after all, especially after the way he’s treated her. A little ribbing never really hurt anyone; after all, she still continued to see him despite all of his flaws.
How comfortable do you think you’ll feel when she’s talking about you like that behind your back? What little things are you doing wrong that she won’t tell you about until they inevitably become the sorts of things she’ll throw at you from nowhere in the middle of an argument? And what about the bigger things she occasionally let slip? How you’re really self-conscious about that birthmark near your armpit; or that kind of gay experience you had a few summers ago. You can’t be sure she won’t talk about those sorts of things because you know those are the sorts of things she talks about.
2. All of Her Other Boyfriends were Assholes
“Well, I’m not an asshole,” you protest, “I know how she expects to be treated, and I’ll do my best to respect that.”
Ok, a couple of the guys she may have dated may have been complete and total assholes: the one that sent her home crying after every date; or the one that cheated on her twice. Those guys were assholes. But what about the other ones? The guys that didn’t notice her new haircut; or told her the truth when those pants didn’t exactly flatter her behind. The guys who, had she introduced you to them, might not have actually been all that bad.
Nobody is perfect of course; and you know that despite what you want to think, neither is she. She’s really judgmental and kind of high-maintenance. Her low self-esteem means every mistake is magnified and it takes forever for her to accept a compliment. Now that they aren’t your romantic rivals you can see that those guys weren’t prefect either, but they probably tried. And how many little mistakes does it take before, through no fault or malice on your part, you become the asshole. How long is it before you’re the root of all of her pain and misery without even knowing it?
3. She Doesn’t Know What She Wants
How many relationships of hers fell apart because of miscommunication? How many problems could have been solved if she had just confronted the person she was dating instead of venting about all of it to you? How many times have you had to convince her to give a guy another chance, or give dating another chance when she felt she was completely hopeless? And the big one: how long did it take her to realize you were what she was looking for?
You know better than most that she doesn’t know what she wants. She thinks she does, but every time she went after that it left her sad and you had to go over to comfort her with nutella and a massage. She’s constantly chasing things and boys that won’t make her happy; and how can you be sure you’re anything more than just the flavor of the week? After all, those other guys probably thought they were making her happy too, right? And you know she’ll never tell you that you’re making her upset because she’ll still think you’re what she wants; and you can’t be sure if you are anymore.
4. She Put You in the Friend-Zone
Ask yourself how many of her ex’s knew about you. How many of them knew that while she was dating them, she was having all of her most important and emotional talks with her best friend behind the scenes? And now that you’re the one she’s dating, how can you be sure she’s not friend-zoning another potential suitor? You know she has a penchant for keeping a back-up in the wings; after all, it’s where she’s kept you this whole time. How fast are you going to mess up; how long before she realizes the boy on the backburner is the one she really should be hot for?
5. When it’s Over, it’s Over
You know how she deals with ex’s. She’ll pine for a week or so after the initial falling out; but after that she’ll demonize you. You become one on the growing list of assholes she regrets ever falling for; just another guy who somehow tricked her into loving you. You’ll try and find out what happened, where it went wrong; but you know that she’ll denounce all those texts and voicemail messages as booty calls; you trying to trap her back in that web of yours. When she’s done with you after dating you, she’s done with you for good.
6. She was Never Good Enough for You
You realize she was right all those times when she said that you’d be the perfect boyfriend for some other lucky girl out there. That she wasn’t actually the girl you were looking for all that time. She knew best after all.