Do you want to know how to live the rock and roll lifestyle from your own home? Shut up. Yes you do. YES YOU DO! YES! YES HUH! MOM, the people won’t listen to me again. I’m trying to help you realize your full potential as a bad ass homebody. Gallivanting (Sweet word, huh) around swanky bars, and hip restaurants isn’t necessarily the key to being cool. Is wearing a leather jacket to church cool? Yes it is. Next question, please. Is having a pet dragon named Craigory cool? YES, that’s definitely cool! Wait, I’m getting off track. Here are five ways to be a homebody and still remain ridiculously cool.
Leave on your normal clothes a little while longer, unless you dress like an asshole.
There’s no question that putting on comfy clothes is orgasmic. I will not argue that. My point is you feel how you’re dressed. If you’re dressed nice, you’ll feel nice, whether you’re on the couch or not. What if that hot lady from Dress Barn calls and wants to drop by all of a sudden? Why was I at a Dress Barn? Is this an interrogation? Just trust me on this one.
Play as much music as you can.
Music is one of the few things that can instantly change your mood. It enhances essentially everything you do. Cooking? Dance in the kitchen and have a blast, until you get second degree burns on your nipple from bacon grease that burned through your shirt. That second part isn’t as awesome, but it’s important to always be careful. Hell, music might help the swelling (No, no it won’t).
Not only are they entertaining and informative, but you can make people feel stupid for not being up on things the next day at work, which is always a treat. “Did you see that documentary on cat crime called Cat Burglars: A Cat-astrophy in The Making? YOU DIDN’T? You just HAVE to see it. It’s riveting.”
Disregard the bacon grease thing I said in number two. This is one of the most cathartic and sexiest things you can do. Open a bottle of wine, turn up Forgot About Dre, and prep your ingredients. Even if you’re just making microwaved nachos, which is probably the case; try using some different kinds of cheeses or venture out and utilize Rotel for once. It doesn’t matter what you’re making. It will taste better and you will feel accomplished. Maybe even take a picture of it and post it on Instagram to impress that lady from Dress Barn, or the cute boy from the toy helicopter kiosk.
Just switch things up every so often to break up the monotony. I’m not talking about completely changing your place; rearrange the furniture set up. Buy a sweet growling bear rug. I know for a fact this goes with any design motif. A new look never hurt anybody. Actually, that’s not true. A new look bit me in the shin in 1997. Other than that it never hurt anybody.
Hopefully, some (all) of these tips will help make your home life a little (a lot) better. They don’t call me Captain Awesome Ideas for nothing. Okay, nobody calls me that, but they should! Here’s to being a happy homebody!