This Is What It’s Like When Deep Love Ends Almost As Soon As It Starts

This Is What It's Like When Deep Love Ends Almost As Soon As It Starts
Tord Sollie

From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were such a great chance for everything I had been rooting for. We had so much potential.

We ended up having what we thought we’d never have, even in a hundred light years.

So when we first got together, all I did was wait for the catch. Because there always is one. It’s impossible not to have a catch. Nothing is perfect and when you get to have someone who is about as close to perfection as you can get, then there’s no way that there is no catch.

But the longer and deeper I got to know you, the more I saw just how perfect you are, especially your flaws. And the catch that I was waiting for, I never found. Or maybe I did, but I just didn’t see it as a catch anymore.

And so, we loved. Oh, did we love. We loved in such a way that even love itself was impressed with us. I loved you hard and fast, the way kids throw baseballs when they are first learning. Reckless and clueless, but with all the stubborn joy it offers. You fell in love with me the way a dog falls dependent on his owner. Slowly and cautiously, but once you did, you were all in.

We loved each other in a limited number of days, but the amount of love poured in that time was enough to last us a lifetime. I told you I will love you with abandon and you said you’d love me back, and so we did. It was bewildering, but also mesmerizing.

But I guess the good old saying is really true, that all good things must come to an end. Because we were good, we were great. So of course, we were bound to end. And it was an end that I never wished to see, but saw anyway.

I said I will love you with abandon, and I did. And now I am still loving you despite being abandoned.

The plans and promises that I would give anything to turn into reality are now gone in an instant. Little fragments of our intertwined time are now floating like specs of dust in the wind.

And I would have still chased them, if you’d only ask me to. I’d chase every single one of the pieces of you and me, and keep them safe in a jar until you came back for me. Then, we’ll finally set them free and pick up where we left off.

But I know that that’s just something I can’t do. Because you are not coming back. You seek a great perhaps. You seek something greater than what I could have ever offered. Greater than what we could have been. Something greater than me, even with all my hardest effort put in.

I understand you, though. So I am not mad. I cannot hold this against you. I fell in love with a person who refuses to concede to love and that is my fault. I knew I was headed towards danger, but I still continued forward with a smile on my face.

I also know that you tried. Maybe not your best, but you still tried. You tried to let me in and tried to see this through with me. But there are just some things that we cannot force, no matter how much we want it.

Even when we were two galaxies colliding, you still wanted another universe. You will always want something that is beyond me. And that’s why you can’t choose me, why you didn’t choose me, and even in a thousand scenarios, that’s why you will never choose me.

I prayed for you. I am still praying for you. The contents are just different now. We are still two galaxies, but we are just parallel now. We may have once collided, but now we are in entirely different universes.

So for now, maybe I’ll just watch you through falling stars and draw you through constellations, continuing to pray that someday, someday when you are ready, we might collide again. TC mark

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