My longest relationship was not a relationship, but I treated it like one. We had a no-strings-attached thing going on. It was fun at first because I liked him so much. Just being with him would make our “once-a-month date” worth it. I based my hobbies for him, the type of food I like for him, the music I listen to for him — heck even my sleeping patterns (he stays up late, so I do too just in case he would like some “late night meetups”). I grew tired and felt like trash, but every time he held my hand, everything was alright like the song, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” from The Beatles.
I knew it was time to let go of him when we were at Starbucks and I wiped the coffee from his upper lip like the way Miranda’s husband did in Sex and the City. He told me to stop it because it reminded him of his mother. I woke up from this spell and I realized I’ve been loving someone who will never love me back. I’ve been forcing myself on him and began hating myself in the long run.
I broke down right after we had Mcdonald’s. I was on a train when a lady approached me and told me not to cry because he’s not worth it. I wanted to tell her I was crying because I’ve wasted 4 years of a toxic non-existing relationship and I was too caught up with my little movie that I thought would have a happy ending.
And so, here are five steps to move on from this non-relationship relationship.
1. Give yourself some closure
After I knew it was over, I had a hard time ending it because there was nothing to end. We had never even begun. We were like a parked car that had its engine running. I told him that I loved him, but that I’m going to move on. I think he needed to know how much he meant to me.
2. Tell someone about it
Odds are, the relationship is a secret, so you’ll have to tell a friend about it. I learned mine the hard way. I kept it to myself and that was pretty crappy. When I told my friend, we just cried and she gave me the pep talk that I usually give myself, but hearing it from someone sounded lot better.
3. Keep telling yourself he never loved you
I hate being that person to tell you to go out and love life, but it is true. Going out and just people watching or traveling in some exotic place really helps. I took 2 days off from work and walked around the city. I appreciated little things like sunsets and the sound of heels clicking on pavement.
4. Swim and scream underwater or something like that
Water calms me, so I took a dive in a pool. I shouted underwater with all my might and broke down crying. You have to let it all out. Don’t give a fuck as to what other people might say. Even if the relationship was non-existent, the love you gave is still love.
5. Meet people and learn from the last time
You will think about him. When that happens, go out, meet people and flirt — but you don’t have to fall in love. Just have fun. And don’t compare your love story to your favorite chick flick.