Spend some quality time alone
Don’t shut yourself away forever. But do take the time to do things that make you happy. Revisit an old hobby. Catch up on a book or TV series you’d been missing out on. Tidy up around the house. Paint a wall in your room. Open the curtains and let in some light. Dust off the gym equipment you bought two years ago and break a sweat.
Spend some quality time with people who care about you
After spending some quality “you” time, reconnect with your loved ones. Lean on them if you need to. Remind yourself of the powerful bonds there. Catch up. Go on adventures. There is a lot of love to experience in this world outside of romance.
Set some goals
Revisiting old hobbies and tending to your responsibilities in step one are great because they give you the “you” time you crave and enable you to process your grief while still being productive. That’s right, get your sadness on its feet. Get it moving. You’ll be surprised by how much you have to catch up on, how many talents you’ve been neglecting. Now let’s put them to use. Set a goal. Challenge yourself to refine your craft. Challenge yourself to finish that book series. Challenge yourself to finally learn how to fix the VCR. Challenge yourself to get fit. Challenge yourself to rock that presentation in class next week. Whatever it is, big or small, set some goals to enhance your awesome.
Do some good
You’ve been doing some amazing work by now, but take it a step further. See how you might be able to connect your goal-setting with helping others. Maybe after killed that presentation in your seminar, you noticed your friend who’s presenting next week looking not-so-confident. Chat them up about their assignment. See if they need any help or encouragement. Or maybe you’re doing well crushing your fitness goals and want to share your insight. Create a fitness page on Instagram chronicling your success and offer help to others. There’s no better way to cultivate love in yourself than by spreading it.
By now you’ve experienced a shift in yourself. Things may not be perfect, but you’re certainly learning to appreciate the process. And now may be as good a time as any to reward that. Think of something you’ve wanted that you didn’t necessarily need. An expense you didn’t tax on yourself because it could wait. Whether it’s a new shade of lipstick or a kick-ass sweater, get it. Wear it out with friends for some extra confidence. It’s great to feel good, but it helps to look better.
On some days this may be the only tip that matters. Because not every day will feel conquerable. But be gentle and keep showing up for yourself.
The truth is we won’t always feel lovable. But the relationship you have with yourself is more profound than the relationship you had with your partner. The difference is that we neglect the reality that the relationship we have with ourselves requires tending too. Not every day in either will be perfect.
But you do the loving things anyway. Especially the ones that don’t seem loving because they exhaust so much from you. Because that’s love. And that’s how you fall in love with yourself, by reminding yourself that you are worthy of the effort.