This Is Why We’re Afraid Of Love

Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

Love is terrifying. Everyone is afraid of love to a certain degree, because it’s so mysterious to us.

We see it as foreign, as something so monumentally precious that can be stolen away in an instant.

We identify love as amorphous and impermanent. We experience it as a master shapeshifter, constantly changing and completely unreliable. These qualities convince us to cower in the face of love.

We run from it, we turn away and take flight in the opposite direction.

Or we hold back, for fear of love, the prized jewel that it is, disappearing never to be seen again.

But all of this is a grand illusion. None of it is truth.

When we vibrationally align with the essence of love, we discover that love is an internal experience.

As long as we place love outside of ourselves, we will continue to experience the heart rattling fear of it, the worry that in any moment a thief will appear to steal it out from under us.

We cling to the illusion of external love but it’s as pointless as trying to hold onto stardust.

To truly release the fear of love, we have to fertilize the seed of it that exists within. This is how we transform fear. This is how we shift our vibration from resistance to openness. This is how we meet the true essence of love.

Redefining How We View Love

Conditional love is always in need of something external. We’ve been conditioned to believe that there’s scarcity around love, that it’s a finite resource like oil or precious metals. We tell ourselves that there isn’t enough to go around.

When we hold this energy as truth we instantly limit ourselves.

What if love were actually limitless?

What if we loved ourselves unconditionally? How would we then show love to others?

Fear dissolves the second we acknowledge that we’re the source of love in our lives.

When this happens everything shifts. Instead of desperately seeking love outside of ourselves we can come from a place of empowerment. We can choose to share our love with another instead of relying on another to be the source of love itself.

The search for love outside ourselves is like bargaining at a pawn shop for a diamond that you already own.

Allow yourself to shift your definition of love. Love doesn’t mean changing yourself to impress someone else. It isn’t based on finding a soulmate or the one perfect person to meet your needs. Nor is it rooted in your ability to satisfy someone else’s requirements.

Real love is freedom. To be exactly as you are and love yourself fully and completely even in the face of the things you don’t like about yourself.

Only then can you fully love and accept another.

Making The Shift From Outer To Inner

I dare you to experiment with something. Think of all the people you can’t help but absolutely adore.

Is there something inherent in each of those people that reminds you of yourself? Be honest.

When you love someone it’s because you see yourself in them.

And this may partially explain why we rarely fully love another. Because we rarely love ourselves completely. We love parts of ourselves just like we love parts of others.

And when the people we love show an aspect of themselves that we don’t like, our idea of that perfect love disappears in an instant.

They seemed to fit our standards, our version of what’s lovable and what’s not.

We placed them in a box of expectation.

But love gets disillusioned and the fear creeps in. We’re not giving them the space to be human, to make mistakes and grow along their own personal trajectory.

When a lover or partner does or says something that we don’t like it feels like the world is caving in on itself. But the truth is we can view this from a perspective of either fear or love.

If you can come from the perspective of LOVE, you can understand that no one is perfect. That we’re each at our own personal evolutionary stage.

We can have compassion for others and for ourselves and become liberated from the heaviness of expectation.

From the perspective of FEAR we allow ourselves to be rattled when others don’t fit the mold we designed for them. We see love and relationship as something to satisfy our needs, instead of meeting our own needs and expanding our love from there. The energy of fear forces us to become dependant on another person’s actions for our own happiness.

Love isn’t rooted in requirements, it’s not based in prerequisites, it’s not dependent on the external world.

Turning Your Love on Yourself

When the fear of love is present we need to be fully aware that it’s because we’re not loving ourselves. We’re binding ourselves to the illusion that love is dependant on circumstances when we could be liberated by choosing to love ourselves first.

To overturn this fear we must look inside for the jewel we already have, instead of seeking it outside of ourselves.

Love in its purest form is a natural expression of your being.

The more you can align your vibration with that natural, fundamental aspect of your divine humanness, the greater your capacity to truly love another becomes.

This true love is liberating, it’s aim is never to contain, its objectives never self-serving. It’s this love for yourself that shines out into the world like a radiant magnetic force.

When you truly love yourself you can see that the opportunity for love in your life is limitless. It’s independent from circumstance and it is freedom embodied.

Fear fades away and the seed of love within you blossoms into a flower whose only nourishment comes from within. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Keep up with Panache on

More From Thought Catalog