You have given me some of my best days and my best moments. You have made me sad and insecure at some of my bad times. But my love, I don’t regret you. Sometimes, though, I do, but mostly, I don’t.
I won’t regret meeting you because you were the best thing that happened to me in such a long time. You showed me happiness, something I haven’t felt for years. You made me feel loved, and almost no one managed to do that. You made me feel safe, like I’m home when I’m in your arms. You seen me at my worst, and stayed for a while, when everyone else would leave in the blink of an eye.
I sometimes regret meeting you, because you are now the source of my current heartache. I sometimes regret you, because you took away the happiness you showed me. I sometimes regret you, because you made me feel loved and took that feeling from me. I sometimes regret you, because you made me feel safe, and now that your arms are not around me anymore, I feel lost, without a home, fleeting. I sometimes regret you, because you seen me at my worst, stayed for a while, but then left after all.
I won’t regret the small moments that meant a lot to me. The way I’d seen you cook and find a good pairing with your alcohol. The way you’ll listen to my childish complaints about life and give me advice based on your rich experiences in life. The way you’ll tell me your experiences in life. The way you kiss me and make love to me, how gentle and eager you were.
The way I know that you thought about me every day.
The way you took away hope from me, but you taught me about it too anyway.
You taught me to hope. You taught me to ‘hope for the best, and prepare for the worst’. You taught me what true freedom meant and is. You taught me what love feels like.
I regret falling for you so deeply, too deeply. But I don’t regret it too, because it taught me to love. It taught me the freedom to love, again.
Because, what are we, if we don’t know what love is, what it encompasses and what it is about?
I don’t regret you. Because of you, I learnt what love is. Because of you, I learnt what heartache is.
Because of you, I know what hope is.