It’s the question always in the air, is it possible to have casual sex with someone without all the feelings? I sit here as an utterly single, yet completely satisfied, 23-year-old woman. Yes, I’ve been in love (thank you very much!) and it was wonderful, beautiful, sensual, with fireworks, until we grew apart – realizing we aren’t the same people we fell in love with in college. I’d say that’s pretty common.
I’ve just experienced my first year out of college in the “real world” and letmetellyou it is hard as shit. Life is entirely too expensive and keeping up with friends is as hard, as they say. However, I absolutely love being an adult (minus paying bills, drowning in student loans, and being judged for yoga pants as casual wear). The world is truly your oyster. To make of it as you please. Here I am, a generally attractive lady, independent, happy, a relatively good person, goal-oriented, and yet I have zero desire to be in a relationship.
Maybe its because my last relationship was extremely awesome and exhausting at the same time. Maybe I’m being selfish and don’t want to worry about when the guy will text me back or do this or do that. And maybe I’m just like, “Bitch, I’m 23! I don’t need to depend on no man!” …until I turn like 30 or so, then I should settle down or something but who really knows.
I’ve had my fair share of hook-ups – oh the casualties of life in your 20s. And to answer your question, yes, I have been drunk every time I’ve met a guy since my breakup last fall. Sure, I’ve gone on a few dates and to tell you the truth I’m not too crazy about the “adult-dating-life.” It’s complicated going on dates with strangers or someone you’ve met before. Trying to figure out if you’re compatible with another person simply over an hour long dinner is a challenge. Some people love going on dates and meeting new people to see if their relationship will blossom – but I am not one of those people at this time in my life.
There’s this guy who is older than me, very handsome, a gentlemen, PERFECT on paper (rowed crew at Georgetown, is now a lawyer, 6’2”, his parents are doctors) and I guess I’ve been seeing him for a while now. And by that I mean: we hooked up twice [drunkenly], have gone on one date, watched a movie soberly, and are going on a date this week. We don’t text every day (let alone every week). To be honest, I don’t like to text and luckily neither does he. I’ve come to conclusion that we are a 10 out of 10 for casual. I didn’t think it was possible, but oh baby I think I’ve hit the jackpot.
I have somehow found a way to completely detach myself from having any feelings for him besides being sexually attracted to him. I am not a slut, BTW by any standard. I’ve had a very limited number of sex partners and don’t care to make it any higher than it is.
If you’re reading this thinking, “Who is this girl kidding? You can’t have sex with the same person continuously without developing feelings,” or “She probably is a slut,” or “What a cold bitch!” – you may be right. Maybe I am what you’re thinking, but I’m here to tell you casual sex in your twenties is real and happening.
All I really want, right now, with this guy currently – is for him to wine and dine me, come home with me, make sweet love, then simply let himself out. I mean is it too much to ask for to have some casual lovin’ after going on a nice date and not expecting the relationship to go much further than that? AMIRITE. My ideal guy: he will enjoy a nice date during the week, with lovin’ as dessert; get drunk with me on Saturday night and watch HBOgo hungover and pathetic in my bed on Sunday; and on Monday we don’t have to text. Maybe we’ll text on Tuesday to plan for those activities all over again, but honestly if not then okay – I’ll see you when I see you.
I am definitely not qualified to endorse casual sex, but if you’re 23 and feel the way I do, I can guarantee you, you are not alone. And if you feel otherwise, I look forward to attending your wedding within the next couple of years. As for those like me, “Stay classy San Diego” – plenty of time to figure out your love life in the years ahead …for now enjoy and make yourself happy first!
Also, go watch Aziz Ansari’s Buried Alive standup (available on Netflix). He IS the voice of our generation.