No, I Will Not Be Your Side Piece

It’s Friday night. Your music is turned up as you hop into the shower, getting ready for a date with a new guy you’ve been seeing for a little while. That’s when you hear the familiar “Do, do do” of your iPhone, signifying you just received a text. Assuming it’s your date, you pop out of the shower quickly to check and make sure the evening is still a go.

That’s when you see it. The name of a guy from your past. You went out in college, before he had a serious girlfriend. Before he had any children. He texts you every so often, trying to stay fresh in your mind, even though he is the other half of a “serious” relationship. “Where have you been recently?” he’ll ask, seemingly curious about what’s been going on in your life.

“I miss you” he’ll say next, expecting to receive a similar reply from you. All the while, it’s still a Friday night. A night he could be spending on a date with his significant other. You’ll send a few quick, unemotional responses before you receive another text from him. “I’ll be in town tomorrow. Where can I meet you?” You know deep down you won’t meet up with him, but you take a minute to craft a response. You know exactly what he’s looking for. But. He is dating someone else. He complains to you about how unhappy he is, yet does nothing about it. He expects you to drop everything for him when his girl is “out of town” and he makes the trip up to the new city you live in.

He wants you, but he can’t break up with her because she’s too fragile, too crazy, too emotionally unstable. He loves her, but loves you too, he says. However. He chose. He made the decision to be with this person.

He’ll make you feel like you owe him something for not being excited he’ll be in town. “I never get to see you” he’ll say. “We can spend the whole night together.” When you ask if his partner knows about the possibility of this meeting, he’ll become elusive and try to avoid the topic. “It’s just so difficult, you don’t understand” That’s when you politely decline. That’s when he becomes angry. “I knew you didn’t deserve me,” he says. “You’re such a waste of time.”

You screen shot the message, just like the others from each month before, and decide it’s best not to respond. You call your date, explaining you’ll be late. You get back in the shower to start the night over, even though you’re hurt. You know it’s his insecurities driving the hurtful words, not yours. Yet somehow you carry the negativity with you all night.

A week passes and you slowly forget about your exchange with him. That’s when you hear it. “He just texted me again,” you tell your friend. You saw on social media that his girlfriend is away for the weekend. “Let’s hang out” he says. “It’ll be great to see you.” You slowly put your phone back in your purse without a reply.

You won’t hang out with him. You won’t waste emotions on him. You aren’t a side piece.