Time flows like a hurricane passing by on the opposite side of the river, I watched the grey clouds arrive, and sat down on the grass, waited to get rained upon,
the broken umbrella back in my room, my shoes are tied too tightly, waiting to run at any moment, I replay all the things you said to me last night, I wonder if you really meant them or you just wanted to try hurting me and see if I cried, if I cared enough to stop you from leaving,
I wish you knew beforehand that I’m so used to goodbyes by now that they don’t make me sad, everything in my life is temporarily present,
I count down the days as I cross out the dates on the calendar on my room’s wall, how many more days I can live in this town before I completely lose my mind?
I countdown week after week, getting tired more and more, of walking past the same neighbours, the same trees, jumping over the rainy puddle that never dries, forty three steps to your house’s main door, another thirty steps to your room,
where you’d be sprawled on your bed you outgrew a few years back, with your legs hanging out, and your pillow under your arm, the curtains covering only one side of the window, the other window open, fresh air blew through yoir room all the time,
another five steps to where you lie, you look at me with your tired eyes, reflecting the thoughts I have in my head, we’re both racing with time to see who will say the words we hate first,
you don’t reach for me, and I don’t reach for you, I stay where I am, you stay where you are,
I sit down on the floor, and comment on the weather, it’s about to rain, you like the rain, don’t you?
You don’t say anything, so after a while, I get up and go back home, pass the same streets, jump over the same rainy puddle, but I don’t go back home,
I get in my car and leave the town for good, I ask myself where it is I can go, anywhere anywhere anywhere, anywhere but here,
the familiarity of the buildings and the people in my life is driving me insane, now years later,
I think about you sometimes when it rains,
and I wonder if you still love the rain, I wonder if you ever got out of that bed, that room full of fresh air, that house that was forty three steps away, and that town in which we both slowly faded away into nothing.