Who You Were Doesn’t Matter, Who You Want To Be Does

Brooke Cagle

You once told me when you were a boy, you believed that loving someone was enough to get by in your life, but when you grow, and you have to see people you chose over others over and over again, choose someone else over you, it does things to one’s belief about how the world works.

You once told me when you were a girl, that you were never really a child, that you had to fight battles with people who surrounded your life, the ones you defended till you were covered with dirt and bruised from all the fights, but who never lifted a finger to help when all the blame fell on you, and how when you grow, you stop fighting for others but only for yourself, a lonely battle but at least you’re safe, you wound your loved ones because the only person that matters is yourself, you want to go back but you know you mustn’t, and you burned that bridge anyway.

You once told me when you were a dream in your mind, you were nothing but a thought
, lying on the grass, with the wind picking up and rustling through the trees, the sun shone over you but not too brightly, but how once you grew up, you couldn’t sleep anymore, and even if you did, there was nothing but blackness, nothing but pain in your eyes, and how you woke you were crying, without any reason, without any reason.

You tell me now, I don’t know who I was, and I don’t know who I am, am I incomplete?
Am I lost? Am I not enough like this? And I hold your hand, and we go to a sunlit garden, like the ones in your dream, and you look around in awe as if remembering the scene from way back when, I tell you in a hushed voice, only for your gentle ears,

“You are who you are, not what others have done to you; you are not the problems you had to face, but the ways in which you overcame them; you are not a person who was abandoned, but who survived people you loved leaving you helplessly; you aren’t the dreams you can’t have anymore, but the sunshine, the one over us right now, that is going to save you from the darkness of your past. You’re not weak or pathetic for fighting for yourself, because who else will? Why should they? Why would they? Only you have reasons to stay alive, you have to change the world by changing yourself. You are your own world. Never forget that.” TC mark

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