I’m sorry that people take advantage of you when they never truly have the intention of staying. The repetition of this using gets so tiring that eventually you just give up and let people walk all over you. But I’m telling you, you ARE enough. It doesn’t matter what other people think, contrary to belief. Yes, these people may be in your life daily, they may even be the love of your life, but it doesn’t change the fact that when everyone is gone, you will be the only person there for yourself.
It’s harder than it sounds—trust me, I know. I know what it feels like to feel so ugly and unlovable that it’s impossible to love yourself, but you have to. Not everyone is going to love you or even like you, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less worth it. Maybe you weren’t for them, and it may hurt, but you attract the energy you send out. If you’re negative and self-loathing all the time, you’re going to attract people that want to feed off that energy until there’s nothing left. And that’s why you need to learn to be good enough for yourself. When you’re healthy, you attract healthy people.
I’m so sorry for all the tears you’ve cried and the years you grieved over not being enough. Who made you feel like that? Your dad? Maybe your mom? It could even be someone as small as a stranger saying something while passing you by on the street. Regardless, it does not matter. It doesn’t matter. You are the the center of your life, whether you want to be or not. There’s nothing you can do to change that, so don’t try. Find people who will love you for you, broken pieces and flaws in all. In the meantime, focus on being good enough for you and not for them. You are going to go through so much in your life, so don’t waste all of that time despising yourself over something that’s insignificant in the end.
The pain of being left over and over again is unbearable. It feels like you’ve lost everything, because you did. Yet this can be a good thing if you let it be. Those people left your life for a reason, and if they don’t want to be in your life, it is completely their loss. Let this be an opportunity to open up and meet new and better people, people whose intent is purely just to be in your life. When you meet these people, it will feel like a weight has been lifted, because for once, you aren’t constantly wondering if you’re relevant in their life or if you’re good enough. That’s what happiness is—feeling content with yourself and your surroundings.
I hope that one day, you can feel this too. I’ve spent so many years at such a young age feeling like I wasn’t enough for anybody at all. I wasn’t, and this wasn’t entirely their fault. I was vulnerable, and I no longer realized when someone was making me feel like this until it was too late. Five years—that’s how long I felt like that. Your teenage years are supposed to be what you look back on when you’re older, and I spent all of mine chasing after people who weren’t worth it and showed me that along the way. The entire time, I just kept thinking, “Well, at least I’m good enough for someone.”
I’m telling you, it is bullshit. You deserve the world, whether you agree or not. You deserve everything that makes you happy, and that needs to be your goal. If you won’t do it for you, then do it for the people who do truly care about you. Do it for the people who it hurts to see you crying on the floor over someone who, yet again, isn’t worth it. You may not realize it, but people do care about you. Maybe you think you’re too unlovable, or maybe it’s that you’re so focused on the people who you aren’t good enough for that you’ve forgotten about the people that you are enough for. Those are the people that matter, and eventually you will see this.
And until then, look back at this as a reminder that you are enough.