Thought Catalog

Stop Asking Me Why I’m Still Single

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Riccardo Fissore

I have been asked this question a lot – “Why are you still single?”

In the past, I would answer this swiftly and confidently. That I am only single because I just have yet to find that special one. Or, that I am only single because I am still young and I am not ready to commit to anyone yet.

But as you age and see your dearest friends around you find their special someone, and as they pop the same damned question again. You start to question yourself if the reasons that you once believed, are still valid now? You start to wonder if there is something wrong with you. Why you are not wanted?

Then, you don unto the most toxic part of the entire process. You start to doubt yourself. Doubting if you are less worthy than the friends around you, less pretty. Or if you have a shitty personality that boys do not want. And you start asking yourself if you are just not charming, funny or smart enough. The list goes on. Nothing gets better.

And if it can’t get any worse, everyday you start to fantasize about the “what ifs” and “if only”. If only I have a boyfriend to go movies with me. If only I have a boyfriend to accompany me. If only I have a boyfriend to cuddle with on my bad days. Gradually, you start to feel less about yourself. Because all these ideas about having that special someone to accompany and accommodate you feels so much better.

No. I will stop you right there. Rewind.

You only start feeling less about yourself because you started feeding the loneliness inside. Feel less confident because you doubted yourself. You only made yourself unhappy because you only picture your better self with someone else. But have you considered that maybe you’re single because you just haven’t loved yourself enough yet? That you have yet to find someone who can love you now, because you yet to love yourself.

Please, start to learn to love yourself. You deserve to be happy, single or attached. You’re charming in your very own way. Don’t let anyone doubt you on that. Believe in yourself. As cliché as it sounds, but if you do not love who you are, who will? Nothing is wrong being single. Take this precious time to figure yourself out. What you like, what you want, who you want to be. Work towards that. Focus on making yourself feel better and not less. And I’ll be sure, we, will find our way to someone one day.

So, if you were to ask me again – “Why are you still single?”

My answer is simple: I’m still working to be a better self, to be ready to meet my better half. TC mark

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