Your ex broke up with you. And now you’ve an emotional fallout, going around town crying and asking anyone who will listen questions like, “Why does this always happen to me?” and “I thought they loved me?” and “Do you think they’re dating someone else?” It’s been weeks or months, so your close friends have started showing up to brunch wearing hazmat suits. Your half-friends have stopped returning your texts. People you hardly know but who sometimes stalk you on Facebook have started to unfollow you because of your weepy status updates. You’re on your way to committing social suicide, so it’s time to get a grip, get a smile back on your face, and get out of this downward spiral. Here’s 10 ways how:
1. Stop posting updates about your feelings on Facebook/Twitter/IG.
Everyone saw your relationship status change. But they didn’t know how bad it was until you started over-sharing. Can’t get out of bed in the morning? Eating your feelings from an industrial-sized Nutella? Fine, just don’t announce it on social media. All of your 700 friends do not need to witness what your rock bottom looks like.
2. Tell yourself that it’s probably for the better.
Even if you got blind-sided. Even if you’re packing up your apartment and tearing apart the life that you once had together. You are no longer dating your ex because that person is not the right one for you. Luckily, there are billions of fish in the sea. Breathe in, breathe out, grow strong.
3. Get on a dating app. Immediately.
You don’t even have to talk to anyone on there. Just make a profile and browse through the thousands of other people in your area looking for someone just like you. You are not alone. You are very far from alone. And there is always someone worse off than you in this dating ocean.
4. Stop taking your best friend for granted.
Yes, your best friend is your rock and truest companion. But they have their own life and problems, too. If every time that you text, call, or come in contact with your best friend is a self-wallowing session about your feelings, it’s time to stop. Your negativity is bringing your best friend down.
5. Get a journal or make a “feelings” folder on your desktop.
Then put all of your deepest, saddest, loneliest feelings in there. In these desperate times, there are things that you might think about yourself that even your best friend shouldn’t hear. And in the future, when you get your self-confidence back, you’ll be happy that you didn’t say these things out loud to anyone
6. Stop talking about your ex to your half-friends.
Everyone in your social circle politely listened and offered advice when your break up was fresh. And then they moved on with their lives. If you’re still asking them to listen to you mourn your relationship weeks or months later, your half-friends will stop inviting you places. No one wants to spend a Friday night getting rained on by the giant storm cloud that’s picked up residence over your head
7. Do not share intimate details about your break up with your co-workers.
Do not have a break down in front of your co-workers. Do not come into work looking like a hot mess. If you must cry, go to the Starbucks bathroom down the block. Your co-worker listening to you disintegrate today might be your manager next year or the person who reports to you on a new project five months from now. Don’t let your breakup destroy your employee file, and don’t make it awkward for your future work self.
8. Write out a pocket-sized list of your best qualities or keep one on your phone.
Put at least 10 things on it. Take it out every time you feel down or bad about yourself. Read the list. Put it away. Breathe in again, breathe out. Feel yourself growing stronger. If you have a hard time thinking of 10 things, ask your best friend.
9. Make an action plan.
You’ve been grieving for days or weeks. Now it’s time for an action plan because your life needs to move forward. What to do? Where to start? Well, you’re single so the world is your oyster. Make a list of the things that’ll push your life in a positive direction. Clean out your closet? Rotate the furniture in your apartment? Sign up for kickboxing? Whatever rocks your boat. Now is the time to start doing that thing you always wanted to do.
10. Realize your inner cool.
Everyone has it. There’s probably someone stalking your profile right now wishing they could muster up the courage to ask you out. You’re cool. You’re alive and fun. You just dodged the bullet. Put on that favorite pair of shoes or thing you like most in the world and saunter down the street. Feel the sun on your face. Smile.