Why I Look Forward To Endings Rather Than Beginnings

Beginnings are something we fear. We don’t admit it, but we do. There’s always a part of us that feels excited and sends that well-needed shot of adrenaline through our bodies that masks the ghost of fear who slowly lingers without being revealed. We often take in new beginnings with a powerful welcome when we are obviously not fearful. But damn, I’m scared. 

Among many other students in the world, a new school year approaches. Whether it be the first or last year of high school or university, or anywhere in between, we fear what’s to come. We fear what is expected of us. We fear what will be thrown at us. We fear what we will have to endure. So, we wait for the end. We always hear of “happy endings”, thus we await our own.

As many of you can relate, I understand and fully acknowledge that I am my own worst critic. If things do not go as planned, then I am tough on nobody else but myself. I put the weight of the world and its troubles on my own two shoulders and forget to give myself some T.L.C. However, I’ve learned to not focus so much on the starting point, but rather the end goal: beginnings vs. endings.

Similar to beginnings, endings are a scary part, too. The way things end is, in my opinion, much scarier than beginnings. Perhaps someone out there thinks differently or really doesn’t care about either, but to me, endings are something I look forward to. Let me explain. Yes, endings are very difficult to live through and are, again, scarier than beginnings. Who the hell wants to see their favorite show end? Who wants to live through their best friend of 11 years move away to college? Who wants that really great party that your crush is at to end? (If you answered yes to at least one of those questions, then you are legitimately not okay.) But, I look forward to these endings because I’d rather see how a story ends than how it begins.

When friendships, relationships, shows, movies, etc., first begin, they are just about strangers meeting the “stripped down” versions of each other and mixing based on what they initially see and briefly know. I look forward to endings because it’s what happens in-between the beginning and ending that matters. The entire middle section of the two sectors is what defines the ending. That is why endings are scarier. 

Endings can take two forms. The “full circle” or the “never-was.” The “full circle” demonstrates a friendship, relationship, movie etc., that has lived through the various challenging middle section but has made it through to the end. The “full circle” lets the “stripped down” people get to know each other in the middle section. And although the middle section is long and tedious and repetitive, it is what lets the full circle become complete. However, just becomes it is complete, it does not mean this “full circle” is a perfect one. But it is complete, and that’s what matters. The “never-was” simply never-was. No full circle. The beginning happened but the middle section was skipped through and the ending was abrupt. The end. 

Thought: So far in my life, I’ve lived more endings that concluded with a “full circle” rather than a “never-was.” The circles haven’t been necessarily perfect but they have been complete. That’s what matters. To feel the satisfaction of a middle section that was “good enough”, for a lack of better words, to make a complete circle then that is what is okay with me. 

As these new, fearful beginnings approach, I imagine the ending. I picture myself ending full circle with everything I do. I imagine the ending to be comforting and anything but abrupt. I imagine the ending to be my kind of perfect.