I recently had one of my best girlfriends get totally screwed over by a man whom we thought was a good guy. Not one of these Shoreditch fuckboys who owns a media start up company, are friends with the DJ and have no real schedule so you wonder how they afford their loft.
An actual man who lives in a classy part of the city, with a real job and chivalry to take a woman out on a date and then call her his girlfriend. But even he turned out to be a total liar which almost makes it worse because he showed such promise! This behavior from men is more and more popular and accepted. Which makes women more wary of men because if you ask any woman, chances are she has been screwed over 9 times out of 10.
So the women who want to find love are terrified and automatically think the worst in men. Then the rare good men out there can’t get through to the good women, so in turn they are left alone feeling jaded. It is a vicious cycle!
Why did it become so hard? Is it too much option? It feels like it is.
This generation of swiping left or right has given us the mentality that there could be someone better out there. So there is always a wondering eye.
Personally, I come from a family that was quite scattered. My mother and I moved around a lot, I grew up with an absent father, I had a step father for a large part of my life that I do not talk to anymore, and my mother was fed up and confused by men in general. I entered my young adult life with the notion that I would never marry because all men are liars, and the only person I could ever depend on was myself and my mother. I was one of the women early on that contributed to this cycle because I entered relationships never being able to trust even the best of men I was with.
In turn, I caused them to be jaded, because I was confused myself. Looking back on it, I was acting out of pure defense and fright. To be the one who got dumped by a man or hurt by a man was horrifying to me because there was no way I was going to let a man control my emotions like that.
So take this inability to allow anybody in, and add that to the culture where in a big city there are all these options.. it is an utter disaster.
As a woman who takes charge in terms of career and milestones, I am still a woman and under the tough exterior, I really want love. But that is a difficult thing to admit in this generation of ours because it makes a woman seem “desperate” and “scares away” the man. How has this come about? Love is such a beautiful and exciting emotion. Aphrodisiac! What is it going to take to bring human beings back to their roots?
Over the past couple of years I have accepted a part of me: That I am an absolute, hopeless romantic. This, I am very proud of. Because I am no longer afraid of it. Maybe if just a few other men and women can accept that they too really want love, they want it all, we can put a glitch in the system. Turn the cycle around and start to spread kindness, honesty, communication and feelings.
We got our generation into this mess with little acts of disloyalty. I think we can get it back by finding the joy in relationships again, but without the fear.