You diverge from the usual road once, and your life is thrown off course. You fail to find the way, so you just wander. When you’re lost, the world is a maze and you live for the moment, praying – possibly knowing – that one fine day you’ll find your way back to normalcy. Crept by the howls of voices, piercing chills, that gush you numb with their words and thoughts that fuel your insecurities. Around you it gets darker and darker, and you realise how terrifying solitude is when all you need is someone to guide you home. Your world gets so bitingly cold and alone.
Humans are social beings, aren’t they? Knowing you’re by yourself drives you insane. Confusion sets in more drastically. You need someone to take you by the hand, hold you close, tell you that everything will be okay and they’re by your side, always. And in the time when the light in your life is dimmest and the fire in you is weakest, you look around – not a soul. In your lost and desperate state, you cry out for someone to help you, but all you hear is your own echo, mocking you. “Look at yourself, how meek, how pathetic. Do you even hear how awfully helpless you sound?” It seems to laugh. But you want, you need, someone so badly, you continue crying out. Sooner or later you think someone is bound to hear your calls. And so you live on, clinging on to every last inch of hope.
That’s what you have been feeding on to keep yourself going in your hopeless wanderings. It gives you the illusion that eventually, someone will find you and realise something nobody has realised before. It paints a pretty little picture of what you think your future will be: happy, blissful, bursting with love and most importantly, purposeful and splashed with meaning. It’s picture perfect, you don’t ever want to vandalise it, and you let yourself continue thinking that life will be good soon, till ultimately, you take that as nothing but truth. But no matter how much you convince yourself the future is bright and abundant with possibilities, the happy exterior masks an interior, an interior that knows that hope is falsely believing, that hope is nothing but comfort and a man-made concept to make the world a little bit less sad.