Although I know I don’t always show it, and despite hurting you as much as I have throughout the years, let me start off by saying that there are so many things that I love about you.
I love when you come alive in the autumn, even though everything around you is dying. It reminds me that you find the beauty in things even when they are coming to an end. I love that even in your most trying times when you could not see the path in front of you, you chose to go on anyway. Your resilience is a part of you that I never gave you enough credit for.
I know that I have knocked you down more times than I have lifted you up, and I know that I didn’t always see the creases by your eyes as years of smiles and laughter but rather a flaw that could never be fixed. I know that whenever you were feeling good about yourself, I poisoned that fragile plant of self-love you were growing so gently. I’m sorry that for each time you told me we were doing good, I disagreed with you almost instantly. It’s not that I wanted to, I just prioritized my fears more than I prioritized you.
I hope that you believe me when I say that from now on, I promise to be the first person you can count on in times of chaos and uncertainty. I promise to love you when you feel you are unlovable and be there for you when you feel no one else is.
I will no longer mock you whenever you stutter ordering your coffee, as we can laugh it off together. I won’t force you to panic if you miss your train, because there will always be a next one. And when your hands are shaking from waves of anxiety, I’ll be the first person to hold them.
I know that I only stand one chance at a love like yours, and this time I promise to do it right.
I hope that you choose to forgive me for all of the times I have made you feel less than you are, because I know that there is nobody in this world I need to love more than you.
A you that promises to be better.