I had different versions of our ending in my head, all of them were nowhere near as cruel as the one we got given.
The question of ‘what if’ and the haunting of the closure that we never got will forever shadow me on my most vulnerable days. The waves of sadness I feel over you will never really go away, some days just crash down on me heavier than others, and some days I just learn to accept that I’m drowning in the thought of you.
I get tired of seeing you in the empty faces of strangers and seeing you in the shapes of the town we once walked together, because that song isn’t just a song, it’s hearing your voice behind the lyrics and seeing your face behind the harmonies. The feelings I felt can’t be retained for the next person that comes along, because we engraved our nights and our words into that funny thing that we did call ‘love’.
Although, just because I didn’t get a fairy-tale with you doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to have one with someone else. I hope you find the answers to the questions that we could never figure out, and I hope you never find yourself searching for small pieces of a puzzle to fit into a gap that is just too big to complete.
I know that there will be one day when somebody is going to hear your laugh a little longer than I got to, they’ll get to study every freckle and every flaw, while they map out the pages of the life you’ll share together, and I’ll be okay.
For you might not have given me a book with an ending – but you did give me a short story, just with a few missing pages.