Animals. Food…Animals like food. How’m I supposed to write an intro for this video again? Anyway, here’s your compilation of animals stealing food, featuring raccoons, zebras, squirrels, possums, something that’s either a baboon or a gibbon (my monkey-type-creature identifying skills are not very sharp), and then mostly cats and dogs, and then maybe a couple of other animals toward the end of the video, I’m not sure, because I got distracted by something, possibly by food. Here’s the video; please enjoy:
…So as we can see, the primary offenders here are cats, probably because, as described in the Japanese Shinto religion, cats contain the vengeful spirits of the dishonorable and of parricides, and these vengeful spirits are then sentenced to a lifetime of torment by being reincarnated inside adorable, impotent, small fuzzy cat-bodies, which explains why cats steal our food, because cats hate us, and which is also an interesting Japanese religious theory that I just made up.
Anyhow. Also, do you see that raccoon that is like the first animal video clip in this thing? And how the raccoon rears up adorably on its hind legs? A couple of months ago, I went to stay with this girl in Canada, and then she kicked me out, and so I had to sleep outside at night, in Canada, which is a difficult thing to do, and then after I shivered for about three hours, I finally fell asleep, using my duffle bag as a pillow, which was hard to do, and then an hour later I was woken up at 4 a.m. by a family of raccoon. See, I had fallen asleep in a woodsy area behind an abandoned building, and apparently I had fallen asleep right in their traditional pathway through the woods that they used every night. So, there were three raccoons; a momma raccoon and two baby raccoon, and the momma raccoon reared up on her hind legs and was sort of like: “Murrgh? What th’?” and then the two baby raccoons followed suit, also rearing up, and they were also like “Murrgh?” and in my head I was “Fuck rabid raccoons!” but I said nothing.
But then raccoons weren’t rabid and in fact left, and then I went back to sleep for an uneasy few minutes until I was woken up by a DEER, crashing through the undergrowth. Or maybe it was a caribou. It was a caribou-looking deer, anyway. I’m not totally up on my Canadian animals. And was like, “What th’, DEER” but in my head again. And then I said, aloud: “What the fuck is up with all the animal symbolism?!” Which was sort of a funny thing to say, but no one else was around to hear it. Anyway, you can’t really go back to sleep after being woken by a deer, so I just stayed up the rest of the night and then took the ferry back to America. None of this has anything to do with anything, except that the raccoons did rear up in the exact same way that the one in the video does. But I figured I probably wouldn’t have another Thought Catalog article where raccoons were mentioned anytime soon, so I thought I’d get that anecdote out of my system.
So! To conclude! Animals like food. Cats are evil vengeful spirits. You can’t sleep through deer. Also, don’t go to Canada, it’s cold and it sucks. And that’s all out of me for now. Shalom!