State Names, In Order Of Sexiness

By Oliver Miller

From most sexy to least sexy.

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SCHOLARLY FOOTNOTES

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[1] We’re not going by the sexiness of the states themselves; we’re going by the sexiness of their names. So, if you met someone named “Hawaii,” you’d likely find them more sultry than if you met someone named, say, “New Mexico” — assuming an identical level of attractiveness, good personality-ness, etc…

[2] State names that are also real names in real life seem a little unfair, but whaddya gonna do?

[3] To be fair, you’d have to find either stripper names or the names of cracked-out celebrities to be hot to appreciate most/all of the names on this list.

[4] “Delaware” kept sounding better — and moving further up the list, the longer that I thought about it. What if you met a guy or girl named Delaware? I mean; come on.

[5] “Indiana” unfairly manages to jump about twenty spots solely based on the Harrison Ford/ Dr. Henry Jones, Jr. factor.

[6] …Or maybe it’s just that I’d like to meet someone named “New York.”

[6] “Wyoming” marks the exact point where the names start becoming actively unsexy.

[7] Fairly or unfairly, Sarah Palin is still hurting this state.

[8] I guess in real life, you’d abbreviate some of these, and just call the person, say, “Hampshie” instead of calling them “New Hampshire” all the damn time. Abbreviating also seems like cheating though.

[9] Whoa, these are getting bad.

[10] Just the worst; really, just the worst thing ever.

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image – Holland with Boston