You might not remember Herman Cain, although he was once the front-runner for the G.O.P. presidential nomination, which–
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Anyway, insert pizza-related/ him-having-a-mistress-related jokes right here — so, right, where were we? Oh, right! Herman Cain. Herman Cain is not running for president anymore, although he seems not to have totally gotten the memo on this one — although Herman Cain doesn’t really get memos, he makes them, because he’s a business-person with experience who should be running this country right into the ground. God, I get all distracted by talking about Herman Cain.
So, right, here’s Herman Cain’s new video, in the grand tradition of his previous mystifying campaign videos. It’s for the “Sick of Stimulus” something or other thing which is being run by Cain Solutions. And it features a bunny, because everything should feature a bunny. Please to enjoy:
“Any questions?” says the creepy J-horror-style girl. …Why, yes! I do in fact have questions. Stunningly, thirty seconds of a rabbit being blown up in midair has not laid to rest all of my questions. So here are some of them:
- Were there debates over this ad? Like, “Should we blow up a kitten, a baby seal, a rabbit? Which would offend people more?”
- So the bunny is a metaphor for… socialism?
- Or, no, health-care reform, right?
- Get out of my miiiiind, Herman Cai-iiiin.
- No, it’s Obama. The bunny is Obama… right?
- Are all these videos directed by the Tim and Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job! guys?
- Why do I feel like I understand tax code reform even less now?
- What would it be like to go to an open casting call for “creepy young girl”?
- Will this rabbit metaphor give birth to other confusing rabbit metaphors, as rabbits are wont to do?
- Which is more disorientating, the bunny video or this video?
- Okay, if the bunny is the economy and the stimulus is the gun, then Obama represents… the fields?
- Have I ever, in my life, felt really guilty and bad for small business owners? No. But I have felt really bad for bunnies. Now I’m confused all over again.
- What would the ancient Mayans have to say about this video? I bet they would have been all like “Yaj, xyajik, Ri ik’ are ri jun nimalaj ja” about it.
- What are you thinking, Herman Cain, as you’re standing on that cliff-top at the end?
- “…Hey, I’m on the top of a cliff, cool.”
- “Cliff, metaphorical.”
- “I can almost see my next bizarre political ad from the top of this cliff.”
- “I can see my mistress’s house from here.”
…Anyway. And so on and so forth. Get out of my head, Herman Cain.