A Bed Made of Cats

For a long time, I used to go to bed early. That’s not really true; that’s the first line from A Remembrance of Things Past, actually. I don’t really go to bed early. But I do sleep a lot. All of my friends are insomniacs, which sounds artsy and cool to me (in theory). But I can sleep always. Someone gave me a quarter of an Ambien once and I did not need it, and in fact fell asleep while standing up, while talking in mid-sentence, and I crashed into a chair.

Anyway, when I sleep, I often have recurring dreams. I have one where I’m being attacked by 3-D numbers in space (I don’t know what this is about, but I’ve always been bad at math, so maybe I hate numbers). I have one where I’m standing in a field with a beautiful Asian girl and I’m happy. I have one that I’m not going to tell you about. And I have one where I’m sleeping on a bed made of cats, and I’m happy.

I always thought that this was a charming — if somewhat twee — kind of dream. Cuddled by kittens! A bed made of cats! So comforting. It would be such a great way to fall asleep. Cats, cats; everywhere cats — here a cat, there a cat, everywhere a cat cat. But I mentioned this to my girlfriend at the time, and she said, “That’s awful. Structurally speaking, even the middle section of the bed would be made of cats. They’d be suffocating. There’d be cats clawing their way through other cats — clawing their way through you — trying to get out.” Which really was a major bring-down. Thanks, girlfriend.

ANYway. I had the odd sensation the other day that I had matured and would be magically good at drawing things. Which is exactly why I can’t draw; you don’t become magically good at it for no reason. So I attempted to draw my dream, and had all my friends draw it too. Please to enjoy. Here they are in no particular order, except for mine, which sucks.

— — — — —

A BED MADE OF CATS

— — — — —

Oliver Miller, freelance writer/editor:

I really could not be more disappointed in myself. This is not what I dreamed at all! The problem is I just can’t draw very well, and moreover, I rush and panic when I draw, because I know it’s going to be bad. And this isn’t even a bed made of cats. It’s a bed with cats on top of it — which is specifically what I asked all my friends not to draw. And it looks suspiciously like a ‘West Elm’ brand bed that I used to own. It’s just a NYC apartment loft bed with a bunch of f-cking cats on top. So unimaginative; just a lot of fail all around.

 _____

Zoe Young, college student/‘Forever 21’ salesgirl:

Zoe definitely gets the concept a lot better than I did. Mega-cat! Mega-cat with little cats; it makes me think of ‘Transformer’ brand toys, like you could combine all the cats together to make the mega-cat, or it could shoot little cat missiles out of its paws or something. Zoe’s cats are also smiling, which is a key component that I missed. My cats just look grim and resigned. Zoe also has that I’m-hot-but-I’m-wearing-glasses thing going on in her real life, which has nothing to do with anything. Anyway; moving on…

 _____

Nicole Susan Phillis, attorney:

Nicole’s is terrible. Reassuringly terrible! It’s a bed with cats on it; even more so than mine was. Though it’s a little Pop Art-seeming, what with its use of text, and it’s good that she wrote “CATS” everywhere, lest we fail to get the point. But much like Zoe, Nicole is hot, and that makes it hard for me to rip apart her drawing too much. In art, as in so many other things, the hot are often unfairly forgiven.

 _____

Laurie Burgdorff, painter:

Our one professional artist does an expectedly good job with her bed o’ cats. Though I never envisioned a canopy bed, per se. And I don’t think I’d want a bunch of cats above me while I was asleep like that. I really don’t think I would.

 _____

Mandy Elizabeth Rivella, librarian:

Mandy gets props for actually turning her drawing in on time, unlike evvvvveryone else, who handed theirs in months late, or today. Also her mega-cat looks appalled — or bemused — with the whole situation, which is good.

 _____

Larissa Pham, student, Yale University (art history/psych major):

Larissa’s rendering likewise incorporates text; the pleading text that I sent her today. And she did her drawing in under five minutes! Nice. Hers has the happiest cats of all, which I respect. Also, I called her drawing “Asian-y,” and lo and behold, Lars is Asian. Go figure. By the way, she agreed with the “Asian-y” thing, but feel free to leave comments in the comment section calling me racist again, because why the hell not?

_____

Steve Peterson, special education teacher:

Steve was the only guy to actually agree to do this! Which begs the question: could most guys suck any worse? No. They could not. Anyway, this is a solid, workmanlike rendering. I find no flaws here. I’m running out of stuff to say about cat beds.

_____

Carolyn Moore, Information Technology executive:

Carolyn used to be my fianceé. I know, I can’t believe I had a fianceé either! Anyway, I took her out to dinner once to meet my friends Brian and Tiffany, and before she got there, I said to Brian, “Okay, signal to me during the dinner if I should actually marry this girl. If ‘yes,’ then point your fork and knife down towards you. If ‘no,’ then leave your fork and knife pointing up.” And then he ended up… turning his fork and knife… 360 degrees to the side. …Anyway, Carolyn also did a cat drawing! It features cross-hatching and cats being squished to death in the middle, sort of like my old girlfriend pointed out about my original dream. Great girlfriends/fianceés all think alike, I guess.

_____

Nichole Jackson, actress/groupie:

I used to live with Nichole and she was kind of a dick and would kick me out a lot, but I forgive her. Also, she wins a place in my heart for having a complete nervous breakdown after finishing her drawing, which is what I did too. Here are some of her texts about the drawing:

  • “brb have to go kill myself. feel like i have nothing to contribute to the world creatively”
  • “my cats are touching btu not cuddling”
  • “it reflects my commitment issues”
  • “it’s weirdly sexual”
  • “but in an artisic way, too literal”
  • “way too literall”
  • “i hate myself right now”

And so-oooo on. Way to go, Nichole! By the way, everyone except for Laurie hated their drawings too. I just forgot to save the texts. Moving on…

_____

Tiffany Christian, attorney:

Tiffany’s is my favorite, maybe because Tiffany is my best friend, so I automatically approve of everything she does. Also, she just. Can’t. Draw. At all. But she tried so hard, and it kills me. And her drawing is oddly beautiful, in a starkly minimalist way. A geometrical flood of cats. …She tried so hard! And “trying is the only thing that matters,” and we know that this is true, because T.S. Eliot said it. …And so, since trying is so important — maybe you should try to draw one too, and leave your own cat bed drawing in the comment section, why not? That was a terrible segue. I don’t know how to end this column. Anyway, cats! Cats cats CATS cats cats. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

  • Dananay

    They Asian-y one is my favorite.  And I had the same thought too.  Maybe it’s because they look like that flying rainbow pop tart cat with the god awful music… remember that? From the Internet?

    • Nico

      Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan….

  • Guest

    This was just a lame excuse to post pictures of the hot girls you’re friends with.

    • Oliver Miller

      Noes!  It ‘s a lame excuse for CATS CATS CATS CATS.  I just always like seeing what people look like though.  Even on other people’s TC articles, I always check their bios first.

      • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

        thanks for satisfying our curiosity 

  • http://twitter.com/londondear doreen

    I completely love this post. Funny enough, I dreamt about being in bed with cats earlier this week. I dreamt I was waking up in bed with three cats who had all gone to sleep with me, and one was completely on top of my left arm.

    I may need to draw a cat bed at some point, though it’s hard to beat Zoe’s and Larissa’s. They’re amazing.

    • Oliver Miller

      Yeah, Lars and Zoe win, I think, despite my blather at the end about how much I loved Tiffany’s.

  • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

    I love cats! And I would totally sleep in a bed of cats with you anytime, Oliver Miller. 

  • Elyse

    Here, I drew you on a bed of cats. It all turned into something terribly uncomfortable to look at. For that, I apologize. Also, they guy is supposed to be you, but ended up being probably not at all in your likeness (note: I have no idea what you look like). Enjoy.

    • Oliver Miller

      I looks like I”m being carried off by a legion of cats into battle, like in some movie about Ancient Rome.  But kudos, Elyse!

    • rose georgia

      this made me not only laugh out loud but actually cry with laughter

  • Kaylee Lockett

    Woops.  I remember when you asked for this.

  • Tiffany

    Lots of talented artists are fanscinated by how absolutely awful I am. Also, way to crumple instantly in the comments regarding mine being your favorite!

  • http://www.nicholeexplainsitall.com EarthToNichole

    I would just like to point out that my spelling errors are because of the damn iPad I was attempting to type on. And also my nervous breakdown over my lack of artistic skills.

    And also, I’m not a groupie.

  • bigmomma

    This has been the best thing I’ve ever seen on ThoughtCatalog. Fantastic!

  • Abcd

    Correct me if I’m wrong… By a bed made of cats you mean like dead cats? Like leather? You stitch dead cats together to form some sort of sick animal bed? I don’t really understand… And if you’re sleeping on them how can they not suffocate and be happy? I know this is all for the sake of art but I can’t conjure up a mental image without feeling uneasy about the idea of a bed being MADE of cats…

    • Veronica

      Pretty sure you are indeed wrong, because it’s a dream (though it’s Oliver’s dream, not mine, so I can’t be absolutely sure) and therefore doesn’t have to be feasible.

      • Guest

        Yes so I’m asking him if in his dream, it’s a bunch of live cats stuck together or perhaps dead cats? I want to know what exactly was in the dream, feasible or not. Just wondering, since he commented on a particular drawing saying “And this isn’t even a bed made of cats. It’s a bed with cats on top of it — which is specifically what I asked all my friends not to draw.” It made me curious then.

      • Oliver Miller

        They were alive.  Dead cats would be very creepy.

  • shannon

    this is terrifying.

  • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

    this entry is not suitable for ongoing thoughtcatalog cat fight. Brandon and Brad and Josh remain only contestants.

    • Oliver Miller

      Bullshit!

      • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

        :)

  • Steve

    Didn’t I send mine within an hour of you asking?

    • Oliver Miller

      Yeah, shush.

  • mv

    a cat made of beds

  • http://twitter.com/niceflying Emma

    I get it, like a happy cat pile. Maybe a bit like a beanbag? But definitely a bed like a freeform pie is a pie. Looser.

  • beatrice

    I like Larissa’s and Steve’s

  • Michelle

    honestly, I thought your drawing was the most endearing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=657768668 Frederick Jonathan Crowley

    How has no-one said anything about one of Steve Peterson’s cats giving the finger?

    • Steve

      That’s a tongue, not a finger – he is licking his paw.

  • Jsuzanrouse

    Steve Peterson’ s is the the best because of ambiguity.

  • Tipz04

    I like Larissa’s. And I’m not saying that because I’m Asian

  • guest

    I have 3 cats and they all sleep on my bed.  One at my hip, one between my feet and one at my shoulder.  So I guess I’m not a pathetic broken-hearted cat lady, I’m living the dream!  

  • Shiralie

    I like Larissa’s. And cats scare me, I was once really unwell, and cooped up in bed, and then this cat just waltzed in my room. I was, like 7. And she was black, jet black, so it was kind of theoritically beautiful. But, i got scared shitless. But, yet, I like the idea of being cuddled in a bed by a thing close to you. I also like Mandy’s big cat, which just looks like a cat sumo. sumo cat! :D okay. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/YOUTHOFNAUSEA Alexandra Zoë Harris

    This post just makes me so happy. You fucking racist. 

  • http://kylelamar.com/ Kyle LaMar

    Did I just read that?

    • Oliver Miller

      Jesus Christ this article was popular.  F-cking cats, man.  People love goddamn cats.

  • AlexandraAnna

    I can’t believe I just read all that AND clicked all your links to see what each cat-drawing-artist looks like.

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