Here's Your Rebecca Black Version 2.0: Lexi St. George

We all know by now who Rebecca Black is, right? Actually, I was probably the last person to hear about her, because I have the startling ability to avoid hearing about internet memes until they’re three months out of date. Hence, the following conversation that I had with my friend this week:

Me:Wow, so does that ‘Friday’ song suck or what?

My friend:This is more of a ‘May, 2011’ type of conversation.”

ANY-way. So the song “Friday” was all about how Friday is very nice day indeed, a day which in fact follows Thursday. Rebecca Black established those two facts, and we will never stop thanking her for it. But Rebecca Black is so very month-of-May, as my friend correctly pointed out. And so, whither from here? Where is the new Rebecca Black? Rebecca Black Version 2.0, a lonely nation waits for you. Woo woo woo.

Well, our wait is over. Nation, I present to you Lexi St. George, brought to you by Ark Music Factory, the same vanity recording company that brought you Rebecca Black. Ark Music CEO Patrice Wilson is the man responsible for inflicting Ms. Black — and now, Ms. George — upon us all:

…Wilson — the man responsible for inflicting a second Black Plague on unsuspecting Earthicans — was hired by Good Morning America to turn a “regular teenager” into “a star” based on “what [he] did for Rebecca Black.”

…St. George isn’t all that different from her fun-having predecessor: She’s a shallow, carefree, bubbly Barbie with a Lolita edge singing lyrics like “everyone is here and I am having so much fun” to a tune as generic as a bottle of Sam’s Cola. But she does look like Emma Watson, which never hurt anybody. And she can kinda sing.

“I don’t want people comparing and saying she’s the next Rebecca Black,” says Wilson. “With this project, it’s a bit of a different thing.

…Oh, but not that different after all, really. See, Rebecca Black’s relentlessly auto-tuned “Friday” was a borderline psychotic song about how nice things are fun, and fun things are nice. On the other hand, Lexi St. George’s new song “Dancing to the Rhythm” is, well, here’s the video again so that you can judge for yourself–

Excellent. And here’s a list of things that Lexi St. George likes, according to her own song:

  1. Dream sequences!
  2. Fun!
  3. Boys!
  4. Stars.
  5. The Northern Lights.
  6. Music.
  7. Summertime.
  8. Nonthreatening “partying.”
  9. Nonthreatening black people who look like extras in a “Gap” commercial.
  10. Soda fountains, which haven’t actually existed since 1963.
  11. That hat.
  12. Straws.
  13. A seemingly baffled/catatonic form of smiling.
  14. “Talk to the hand”-type gestures.
  15. The rhythm, and dancing to it, obviously.

And here’s a list of things that Lexi finds to be wistful:

  1. The end of dance-themed dream sequences.

Anyway, so there’s your Lexi St. George. She’s sort of the “T2” to Rebecca Black’s original Terminator: stronger, faster, harder to kill. …Anyway, thanks for sharing your voice with us, Lexi. Everyone is here, and now we are having fun indeed. TC mark

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  • klaus

    the words aren’t as silly.

  • Broseph

    this girl is hella cute

  • Brooke2584

    at least she’s cuter and has a better voice. rebecca black was hard to look at. 

    • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

      I’m not going to drift into the creepy territory of judging the hotness of kids, but I think that’s kind of an “Aryan” aesthetic you’ve got going there. They both look like little pop kids; I don’t see how one is cuter than the other, but I can see how one would be slightly more pleasing to Der Führer

  • guest

    this is completely acceptable 

  • guest

    this is way more what you’re looking for

    • http://stephgeorge.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

       OH MY GOD THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS

    • EP

      THIS IS THE BEST ONE. PERIOD. Almost better than Rebecca Black.

    • Adam D

      This sounds like it should be a Britney song from 5 years ago. The fact that she’s not very famous makes the lyrics totally inappropriate..

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAH

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1183680010 Samuel Walker

      cj’s always been the best.

    • Olive

      Funniest thing I’ve ever seen

  • Julie

    This song isn’t memorable in any way. Rebecca Black wins.

  • Guest

    Don’t click on that YouTube link in the other comment!  That’s just in a whole other realm of trash pop awfulness.

  • Guest

    Don’t click on that YouTube link in the other comment!  That’s just in a whole other realm of trash pop awfulness.

  • Someone from the Internet

    “This Friday song suck-sucks” was a May 2011 conversation. So was “OMG look at all the other bad songs that Ark made for pre-teen girls.”  You’re like 1,000,000,000 internet years too late, AGAIN

    • Oliver Miller

      And yet I… don’t care… again.

      • Zzz

        And no one cares about your article, again!

        “Friday” jokes feel like Bush jokes at this point… They were fun while they were topical but now they’re just irrelevant.

      • http://www.facebook.com/brad.pike Brad Pike

        -Click on link
        -Read article
        -Watch youtube video
        -SPEW FORTH HATRED INTO CYBERSPACE RAARRRRR

      • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

        I disagree with ZZZ. I’m for the perennial ripping apart of morons everywhere, no one more so than Rebecca St. Bieber, as the trio should be referred to. 

  • erin

    looks like emma watson!

  • Sarah

    dude, come on. deep down you know that this song isn’t 1/4 as bad as friday. it doesn’t sound much worse than all the pop singers from around the turn of the millennium, really.

  • Anonymous

    At least she’s tolerable. I think you’d much prefer this lady right here:

    • kaylee

      oh my god
      i think she has a lisp

    • EP

      I was going to put this one in my comment. So much worse than Lexi, this is at least somewhat tolerable.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      HAHAHAHA SHE’S LIKE 12!!!!!!!!1111

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    She’s got a pretty diverse group of friends.  African Americans, Asians, Indians…there’s even a lesbian in there at 2:02 with multiracial hair.  A+. 

    • Adam D

      A+ for hiring a diverse group of extras? :-/

  • QQ.

    Is that her real name? It sounds like a porn name.

    • Oliver Miller

      It’s a good name.

      • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

        Yeah.. if you’re a porn star.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

    These are girls who grew up watching Hannah Montana, who taught them how to be obnoxious pop stars. The girls who were a few years older learned it to be content with being a loser by Lizzie McGuire/not be delusional.

  • sharksaregrand

    from 1:33 to 1:43 was pretty awkward, so ill give you that

  • FC

    Everybody’s lookin forward to the weekend, weekend – Bob Dylan 1963

  • Guest

    What these directors and producers are doing is DISGUSTING.

  • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

    Wait: did you just call a 14-year-old  “shallow”…?

    Dude, lighten up… it’s just kids and their pop music; nothing new there since the Dawn of Time (aka, c. 1950).  Why not attack the skate-boarding thirty-somethings into OFWGKTA? Seems like a better (more just and fruitful) target. Meanwhile…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MiQzAo6Cp8

    • Oliver Miller

       I didn’t call a 14-year-old “shallow,” since the word shallow is not anywhere in the article.  Anyway, calling a 14-year-old “shallow” would be like calling the ocean “watery” or “wet.”

      • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

        True re: “shallow”… it appeared in a passage you quoted. Still, isn’t this kind of like Tasering a Hello Kitty doll…?

      • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

        True re: “shallow”… it appeared in a passage you quoted. Still, isn’t this kind of like Tasering a Hello Kitty doll…?

      • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

        True re: “shallow”… it appeared in a passage you quoted. Still, isn’t this kind of like Tasering a Hello Kitty doll…?

    • FC

      Steven, Wolf Gang is and/or has been hecka played/exploited/attacked. Get the net! Plus those dudes are like twenty.  I do appreciate the “Sugar Sugar” link though. 

      • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

        I’d have linked to some ancient Egyptian tween-pop atrocity if I had the technology

  • Rob

    No more vapid than anything else in the Top 40….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1183680010 Samuel Walker

    You turned teen fetish into something boring. Don’t think too much just feel the thrill.

  • Woyzeck

    Wait… that’s Emma Watson, isn’t it?

  • Yeah girl

    Well, at least this is far more catchy and drunk dancing-worthy than Friday evah was.

    • Oliver Miller

      Well… agreed.

  • Waicool

    chick is smokin hot

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1160208219 Lucia Tilosanec

    Lexi sings more better than Rebecca and she is more pretty.

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