We all know by now who Rebecca Black is, right? Actually, I was probably the last person to hear about her, because I have the startling ability to avoid hearing about internet memes until they’re three months out of date. Hence, the following conversation that I had with my friend this week:
Me: “Wow, so does that ‘Friday’ song suck or what?”
My friend: “This is more of a ‘May, 2011’ type of conversation.”
ANY-way. So the song “Friday” was all about how Friday is very nice day indeed, a day which in fact follows Thursday. Rebecca Black established those two facts, and we will never stop thanking her for it. But Rebecca Black is so very month-of-May, as my friend correctly pointed out. And so, whither from here? Where is the new Rebecca Black? Rebecca Black Version 2.0, a lonely nation waits for you. Woo woo woo.
Well, our wait is over. Nation, I present to you Lexi St. George, brought to you by Ark Music Factory, the same vanity recording company that brought you Rebecca Black. Ark Music CEO Patrice Wilson is the man responsible for inflicting Ms. Black — and now, Ms. George — upon us all:
…Wilson — the man responsible for inflicting a second Black Plague on unsuspecting Earthicans — was hired by Good Morning America to turn a “regular teenager” into “a star” based on “what [he] did for Rebecca Black.”
…St. George isn’t all that different from her fun-having predecessor: She’s a shallow, carefree, bubbly Barbie with a Lolita edge singing lyrics like “everyone is here and I am having so much fun” to a tune as generic as a bottle of Sam’s Cola. But she does look like Emma Watson, which never hurt anybody. And she can kinda sing.
“I don’t want people comparing and saying she’s the next Rebecca Black,” says Wilson. “With this project, it’s a bit of a different thing.”
…Oh, but not that different after all, really. See, Rebecca Black’s relentlessly auto-tuned “Friday” was a borderline psychotic song about how nice things are fun, and fun things are nice. On the other hand, Lexi St. George’s new song “Dancing to the Rhythm” is, well, here’s the video again so that you can judge for yourself–
Excellent. And here’s a list of things that Lexi St. George likes, according to her own song:
- Dream sequences!
- The Northern Lights.
- Nonthreatening “partying.”
- Nonthreatening black people who look like extras in a “Gap” commercial.
- Soda fountains, which haven’t actually existed since 1963.
- That hat.
- A seemingly baffled/catatonic form of smiling.
- “Talk to the hand”-type gestures.
- The rhythm, and dancing to it, obviously.
And here’s a list of things that Lexi finds to be wistful:
- The end of dance-themed dream sequences.
Anyway, so there’s your Lexi St. George. She’s sort of the “T2” to Rebecca Black’s original Terminator: stronger, faster, harder to kill. …Anyway, thanks for sharing your voice with us, Lexi. Everyone is here, and now we are having fun indeed.