Batman! …And now that we’ve gotten your attention, it seems to have been a very bad week for the Dark Knight Defender, the Caped Crusader, etc. First, “Batman” was arrested in Michigan. And now, here’s video footage of a different “Batman” getting his ass kicked in Las Vegas.
As we can see, this particular Batman in question is a street-performer of some kind, who encounters a possibly almost definitely drunk heckler on the sidewalk in Vegas. The fight starts out slowly, in the boring way that so many dude-on-dude fights start, with lots of pointless taunting. But then “Batman” makes the mistake of defiantly fluffing out his cape. And then a traffic cone is brought into play. And then Batman gets his ass kicked.
Though the fight ends quickly, the one thing that we will always recall is the plaintive lonely plea of a child, crying out the following word — “Batman?” — as her innocence is shattered forever upon seeing a fake Batman getting a beat-down from some random dude. …But don’t worry, Virginia — there truly is a Batman. As long as you believe in him in your heart, then he is real.
Anyway, the fight ends, the little girl yells out in fear, the police show up, blah blah. Of course, the police only arrive because they must chase Batman — they’re forced to, because he’s the hero that we deserve, but not the one we need right now; he’s our lonely defender, our Dark Knight, and anyway okay we made these same jokes already today.