Justin Bieber Has His Own Brand of Perfume Now

Who says that the world didn’t come to an end, and that the rapture never happened? Yes, the moment that we’ve all been dreading that we didn’t really care about has come to pass — Justin Bieber now has his own brand of perfume.

Yes, yes, yes, “J-Bieb” — which is a totally made-up nickname which I have just invented — has launched his own signature scent. J-Bieb’s perfume is called “Someday,” and it retails for $35. And now, here’s that Justin Bieber perfume commercial that you never ever wanted:

According to this commercial, spraying the Bieb’s perfume on your neck is like being taken for a magical horsey-ride through pink fluffy clouds with matching “Claire’s Boutique”-style heart-shaped lockets. …This is so much like my nightmares that it’s scary. …And on this mystical journey to heaven or something, you’re accompanied by Justin Bieber himself, who giggles and laughs and whispers sweet nuthins into your ear, and also reveals that he’s really into that exact same thing that you’re into, OMG! OMG indeed.

And here is Justin’s explanation for why the world needed a Justin Bieber perfume right now, and simply could not wait one second longer–

“Let’s be real, the way a girl smells is very important to a guy,” Bieber told Women’s Wear Daily. “I have such a deep connection with my fans, so creating a fragrance that I personally love is another way I can bring them closer to my world.”

Oh, Justin, you don’t have to tell us that you’re “being real.” It is automatically assumed that every word that issues from your lips is automatically totes real 4evah.  And thank you for bringing us closer to your world.

…By the way, the smell of the perfume itself is described as being a “fruity gourmand,” which I guess means that it smells like Frank Rich. Or like Anthony Bourdain. Ha! That was an okay joke, right? …Anyway, insert your own jokes here, I don’t know anything else about Justin Bieber except that he’s a thirteen year-old girl or whatever. TC mark

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  • Christina

    The bottle's design is “quite similar” to Marc Jacobs' 'Lola'…serious lack of originality. Nexxxt!

    • ghostboy2112

      i thought the same

  • http://www.zduk.co.uk ZD

    Vile, vile video – and the last part is like the opening shots of CSI Miami.

  • Julie

    It's a little sad that this is your nightmare. Justin Bieber? Really. Your life must be tough.

    Whoever is in charge of marketing this kid is unbelievable. Yeah, it's a little lame for sure but he is going to make so much money off this shit by barely doing a thing except being himself. He doesn't have to wear it he just has to put his name on it. It's like when his movie came out and they rereleased it two weeks later with a few extra scenes and all his fans went to see it again. Genius, really. The kid isn't doing anything wrong.. he's just doing what he's told to do. 

    • Oliver Miller

      It's more that going for a horsey-ride through pink clouds is my nightmare.

      • Julie

        Well that's definitely more legit :P

    • Woot

      I agree, with the fan base this kid has they could sell anything and these girls eat/buy that shit up. I was accompanying my significant other into a cheap jewelry store, and Bieber had an entire section of his products. It seemed a little excessive, but I suppose he's making bank.

      His celebrity status is epic and he'll be the most successful pop star ever if he can avoid beating his girlfriend, shaving his head in a nervous break down, or spending all his money on a theme park to bait sick children and molest them.

      On the other hand, its a bummer to know these people are milking him for all he's worth. If people are going to hate, they need to hate on the people using him, not Bieber himself.

  • eddyindigo

    I think someone thought that “gourmand” was a synonym for “bouquet” because they confused gourmet with bouquet. And I've officially put too much thought into this.

  • AlyW

    The first four seconds of music really give me the heebie jeebies.

  • http://twitter.com/crapface Hannah Foster.

    Is 'fruity' a codeword for desperation and Usher?

  • http://dzine-studios.com Dan

    Oh yay, so I can smell like a whiny dyke. Sad thing is, bitches will buy this.

  • http://georgebrostanza.tumblr.com george brostanza

    smells like tween spirit.

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