Bizarre "Planking" Craze Sweeps Through Australia

Australia has given us many important things over the years, and — okay, that’s completely untrue. Australia has given us exactly three things over the years: Vegemite, koala bears, and that one episode of The Simpsons where they make fun of Australia. [1]

But now, Australia has gone and provided us with yet another thing: a crazy new trend called “planking.”

For the uninitiated, “planking” involves the following:

1) Lying down flat on your belly, on top of various things.

And,

2) And that is all.

If you didn’t watch the above video, THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU? Okay, let’s go again. Here’s the same “Aussie” video footage of this totally crazy new “planking” trend:

Oh, come on, Australia! That’s not a real trend. Lying down is not a trend. …Or if it is, get ready for my new article tomorrow about this crazy new “sleeping” trend that is sweeping through America like wildfire.

Clearly, Australia is just trying to fuck with us by presenting “planking” as a thing. …And they’re all the way down in the Southern Hemisphere, so what are we going to do about it? Nothing, that’s what. Australians are all like: “OY, LET’S MAKE UP A ‘PLANKING’ TREND — THAT’LL CHUNDER UP THOSE YANKS’ DIDGERIDOOS. OY AND THEN AFTER THAT, LET’S GO TO THE BEACH AND DRINK; DID WE MENTION THAT BASICALLY OUR ENTIRE COUNTRY IS ON THE BEACH?” [2]

So, well played, Australians. You have invented a fake trend that involves lying down on various things. …We’d say that you’ve gotten the last laugh on us by making this thing up. But you’re still Australians, so no, you still lose.TC mark

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  • Katgeorge

    Koalas aren't bears. I'm just sayin.

    • Oliver Miller

      Yeah; they're marsupials. Fuck, a detailed digression into that would have made this humor article wa-aaaay better.  Thanks, chief.

      • Steve

        Indeed, so very much less than 3.

    • Oliver Miller

      <3

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      “Grizzly bears aren't human, but they eat Whoppers too [if given the chance].” Henriques, Diana B. “The One Who Outsmarted Them All: A Backstory to the Life of Brian Jones” New York Times Press, pp. 112.

  • rina

    planking is the best form of exercise! >_>

    • Ruby

      So true, but laying passively on your belly? That ain't planking!

      • rina

        okay yeah. that is true.

  • http://twitter.com/i9M Michael B

    Australia gave us Chris Lilley. 

    • Katgeorge

      Most importantly though, Australia gave us me.

  • guest

    Pretty sure this did not originate in Australia.  Just sayin.

    • Oliver Miller

      And yet I… still don't care.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

    It is a good core exercise. Here in the states we should start Bridging on things.

  • Oliver Miller

    Mr. Simpson, disparaging the boot is a bootable offense!  …Plus:  first!  Nah, I'm fucking kidding.  I'm not first.

    http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2

  • Lust

    This reminds me of Lipping (Lying in public places) which I saw like 2 years ago. Oh wait, it's the same thing.

  • Sean Li

    How new is this craze in Australia? I've seen something similar like this in other countries, eg Taiwan.

    http://www.chinasmack.com/2011

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=539592740 Viktoriya Gaponski

    You forgot Arnold Schwarzenegger

    • Guest

      Ummm … Arnold Schwarzenegger is from Austria.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=539592740 Viktoriya Gaponski

        what! Just googled.. you're right, sorry 3 people.

      • Napoleon Bonaparte

        lol I hope this was a joke

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=539592740 Viktoriya Gaponski

        obviously I was never a fan ;)

  • http://twitter.com/geeorgiee_ Geeorgiee

    Google things invented by Australians. We're actually pretty awesome. 

    • MelbourneJay

      My Gosh, we invented refridgeration!

  • duck_vs_rabbit

    vegemite is the shit!!!

  • Alineofprose

    May I mention the police in my state are considering making planking an offence? 

    Also note some guy died planking off a balcony. (Imagine if you were his parents. Your 20 year old is dead.  What are you going to say at his funeral? “My kid was never the smartest crayon in the box, but…”)

    • Oliver Miller

      Making fun of planking is a plankable offence.

      • Jesse Almarker

        so… you get planked ?

  • Joel

    Reminds me of that pretending to be dead with a bunch of friends craze. http://www.buzzfeed.com/anteat

  • Joe

    Koalas also have long, sharp claws. You need to wear a kevlar vest just to hold one!

  • Anon

    wow so this is racist

    • Josef Stalin

      Yeah what a fucking Nazi!

      • Skylar

        Imagine if the writer had said “You're still Chinese, so you still lose”. Yeah, learn the definition of racism. Just because Australians aren't as commonly exposed to racism doesn't mean racist remarks are somehow less offensive.

      • Oliver Miller

        Christ.

      • Insult the comic dog

        I'm sorry you were offended, you lieberal defeatocrat trisexual hippie commie Muslim kangaroo

    • Google Plex

      When did Australians become a race?

  • Felicity Case-Mejia

    I just want to point out that we did not invent this: it was originally called the lying down game and Ellen Page played it and it was famously circulated on the internet.

    • Oliver Miller

      Huh.  That's funny.  I would have called it a “chuzwonger.”  …Are these Simpsons references working for anyone. …No?

      • Meds

        *chuzwozza.

  • Aussie.

    One guy died doing it so it made the news but it is certainly not sweeping the country. I'm pleased to see you enjoy perpetuating the stereotype that the only thing Australia consists of is Vegemite and Koalas. Some of us read Thought Catalog, hate Vegemite and have never used the word digereedoo in our day to day life. Well done.

    • Skylar

      Yeah, I'm an Aussie and I'm fucking awesome. I'm surprised the writer didn't mention the fact that someone died as a result of this “phenomenon”, it would be such a cheap and easy shot against our forever losing nation!

      • Oliver Miller

        Australians get jokes, right?  Or no?

      • Julia

        Sorry Oliver, we get defensive about our culture. Always. No exceptions. The last bit of the video was funny though, amiright?

    • Arch

      Agreed with the love of thought catalog/hate vegemite/etc., but what sort of Aussie can't spell “didgeridoo”.

  • derpderp

    Someone seems butthurt lol wut

  • 5050

    Hasn't anyone here seen the Colbert Report? That is the style this article is in. It's supposed to be over the top satirical. He's not actually bagging Aussies.

  • Guest

    please don't use  footnotes unless you're David Foster Wallace

    • Oliver Miller

      Or, alternately, I'll do whatever the fuck I want, thanks.

      • Guest

        ok, only do that if you want to write better then

  • http://twitter.com/taylafederer Tayla Dam

    lol an American trying to make Australia seem inferior. Seriously….. there's no point even arguing this though, cause in the end you are just an ignorant American.

    • Hannibal Barca

      lol an Australian without a sense of humour. It wasn't the funniest thing ever, but how could you take it seriously?

      • http://twitter.com/taylafederer Tayla Dam

        i'm just going with the stereotypes that she's inflicted. who said I was australian anyway?

  • http://twitter.com/yanyun92 Lim Yan Yun

    REAL PLANKS ARE USED ON PIRATE SHIPS. until someone planked on a real pirate ship, this is lame.

  • http://twitter.com/yanyun92 Lim Yan Yun

    REAL PLANKS ARE USED ON PIRATE SHIPS. until someone planked on a real pirate ship, this is lame.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    i think it's funny

  • Fiercedog

    what the fuck is this shit?

    • Oliver Miller

      It's an article.  On the internet.  Feel free to check out the Sandra Bullock movie “The Net,” if you'd like to learn more about the internet and how it can impact YOUR life.

      • cc

        i think he was referring to the planking you asshole

      • Oliver Miller

        …But even so, I still love a good “The Net” reference.

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