Those Wacky Japanese, Part MCXVIII: A TV Show About Kittens in Bowls!

The Japanese are an inscrutable people. In fact, I feel like I’ve never heard the word “inscrutable” used without reference to the Japanese. Sometimes, their entire culture seems like a version of the “idea balls” discussed in that episode of South Park. Just random combination of things. Schoolgirl panties + vending machines? Fuck it, why not, the Japanese say in response. Robots + pandas? Sure. You betcha. Porn + tentacle rape? Absolutely.

Yes, to paraphrase George Bernard Shaw — some men see things as they are and say “Why?” The Japanese, on the other hand, dream things that never were and say, “Hey, is there a way we could add more robots/kittens/schoolgirl porn to this shit?” …Which is — words fail me — awesome.

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Anyway. And so, I am proud to bring you the latest iteration of weird Japanese culture — kittens, sitting inside bowls… on a TV show. Sure, whatever. Fuck it, why not?

Here is the video. Please to enjoy:

My two favorite things about this video are as follows: (1) The ceremonial unveiling of the bowls. (2) The fact that it takes six hosts, working together, to narrate all the hot kitten-on-bowl action.

What could all six of these hosts possibly be saying? Well, luckily, I am extremely fluent in Japanese, so I can provide a translation for you–

Host one: Look. The white kitten is entering the green bowl.

Host two: Ah ha, yes. And notice also how the brown kitten is entering the blue bowl.

Host three: Yes, yes, and see. Note also that the gray kitten is entering the yellow bowl.

Hosts one and two:

Host three: What?

Host four: You greatly dishonor us by mentioning the gray kitten entering the yellow bowl.

Host three: Aieee!

Host five: This is not only true, but correct. You dishonor not only yourself, but your Emperor… by mentioning the gray kitten entering the yellow bowl.

Host three: I have shamed myself, brothers. (…Host three then commits ritualized suicide (seppuku)).

Host six: …And that is all the time that we have today for “Kittens in Bowls.” Be sure to tune in later tonight for “Dogs in Tea Cups.” Goodbye for now (sayonara).

But no; I kid, I kid. Plus I’m not actually racist like that in real life. And I have no idea what they’re saying. And anyway, I must once again salute the Japanese, who after all discovered a universal truth many, many years before us white-devil Westerners did. That universal truth is as follows: people will watch anything with kittens in it, and read almost anything that contains a kitten-related reference. And you know that’s true for real, because you just read this entire article. (…See what I did there? Of course you do.) TC mark

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    KAWAII DESU

  • DAN HOFFMAN

    what would also be fun is to then but lids back on bowls for surprise twist

  • http://someharddrugs.blogspot.com Carolyn DeCarlo

    cars are inscrutable. masks are inscrutable. throw rugs are inscrutable. rain is inscrutable. kale is inscrutable. terror is inscrutable. children are inscrutable. people magazine is inscrutable. deer are inscrutable. doilies are inscrutable. jazz clubs are inscrutable. the jersey turnpike is inscrutable. death is inscrutable. pizza is inscrutable. underwear is inscrutable. kiwis are inscrutable. disaster is inscrutable. denim is inscrutable. bob dylan is inscrutable. kim kardshian is inscrutable. the green hornet is inscrutable. bamboo is inscrutable. you are inscrutable.

    • Oliver Miller

      I agree with everything there except for “cars” and “pizza.” I feel like I totally “get” both of those things.

      • http://someharddrugs.blogspot.com Carolyn DeCarlo

        that seems fair. i wish i had that kind of confidence. however, both seem pretty “crazy” and “limitless” to me.

    • RamonaCC

      I love the way that Bob Dylan is inscrutable but I hate the way that doilies are inscrutable. Hate doilies.

  • Catherine

    This made me laugh out loud, thanks Oliver. By the way I hope you've found a solution to your homelessness. All the best.

  • Pedro

    The most bizarre thing in the video was a version of o-bla-dee-o-bla-da by the beatles being singed by preschool kids

  • http://www.facebook.com/madeline.criswell Madeline Criswell

    While it may seem crazy you have to admire the dedication that the Japanese put into to singling out very specific pieces of subculture and history and fetishize them to the point of being something entirely new and weird.
    I really think the world needs more kittens in bowls and less atomic bombs.

    I also like that such niche interests get air time and media appreciation, while it may not be everyones interest its good to see that Japan doesn't censor itself just because its weird, people are weird, they should be allowed to be weird :p

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