Poll: Anne Sexton or Sylvia Plath – Which Poet Would You Rather Bang?

Hot suicidal female poets: we all want to sleep with them. They’re like the sexy crazy girls who talk too loud and smoke clove cigarettes and who drink grain alcohol in the back room of the party. Or at least, I personally always want to sleep with these girls. But the question is, how to choose? Which one? Which one? So we here at Thought Catalog have picked the two hottest female poets, and present them here to you in a game of “Who would you rather?

So… Anne Sexton or Sylvia Plath? They’re both hot, they’re both sexy, they’re both dead. (Let’s ignore the dead part.) So… let’s break it down:

Anne Sexton

Date of birth: November 9, 1928

Place of birth: Newton, Massachusetts

Sexy job before she became a professional poet: Former professional model.

Awards won as a poet: Pulitzer, Guggenheim, National Book Award nominee.

Celebrity fans: Dave Matthews, Peter Gabriel, Morrissey.

She once took a writing class with: Sylvia Plath.

Method of suicide: Carbon monoxide poisoning. She had lunch with a friend, returned home, and committed suicide by locking herself in the garage and turning on the engine of her car. …Because she was less famous, and killed herself after Sylvia did, she was accused of committing suicide so that she could, quote, “be more like Sylvia Plath.” …She had tried to kill herself at least twice before.

Fun facts about Anne Sexton: Got married at age 18; committed incest with her daughter (probably). Used to use her high-heeled shoes as an ashtray.

A depressing poem by her is: ‘Wanting to Die.’

“…Suicides have a special language.
Like carpenters they want to know which tools.
They never ask why build.”

A good “sexy” poem by her is: ‘WHEN MAN ENTERS WOMAN’

When man
enters woman,
like the surf biting the shore,
again and again,
and the woman opens her mouth in pleasure
and her teeth gleam
like the alphabet,
Logos appears milking a star,
and the man
inside of woman
ties a knot
so that they will
never again be separate
and the woman
climbs into a flower
and swallows its stem
and Logos appears
and unleashes their rivers.

This man,
this woman
with their double hunger,
have tried to reach through
the curtain of God
and briefly they have,
though God
in His perversity
unties the knot.

Sylvia Plath

Date of birth: October 27, 1932

Place of birth: Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts

Sexy job before she was a professional poet: Was a model and guest editor for “Mademoiselle” magazine.

Awards won as a poet: Pulitzer prize, Fulbright.

Method of suicide: Stuck her head in an oven. (After sealing all the doors, and leaving breakfast out for her sleeping children.) …She had tried to kill herself at least three times before this.

Celebrity fans: Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Stiles, Joyce Carol Oates.

She once took a writing class with: Anne Sexton.

Fun facts about Sylvia Plath: The first time that she met her future husband, she was wearing diamond earrings. He ripped them out of her ears, making her bleed, and tossed the diamonds out a window! Her husband probably caused her suicide by cheating on her, but we’ll never know, ’cause he burned her last journals.

A depressing poem by her is: ‘Lady Lazarus.’

“Dying
Is an art, like everything else…”

A good “sexy” poem by her is: ‘NEVER TRY TO TRICK ME WITH A KISS’

Never try to trick me with a kiss
Pretending that the birds are here to stay;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

A stone can masquerade where no heart is
And virgins rise where lustful Venus lay:
Never try to trick me with a kiss.

Our noble doctor claims the pain is his,
While stricken patients let him have his say;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

Each virile bachelor dreads paralysis,
The old maid in the gable cries all day:
Never try to trick me with a kiss.

The suave eternal serpents promise bliss
To mortal children longing to be gay;
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

Sooner or later something goes amiss;
The singing birds pack up and fly away;
So never try to trick me with a kiss:
The dying man will scoff and scorn at this. TC mark

Thumbnail image – Sylvia

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.facebook.com/leckybang Becky Lang

    50/50 holy shit! also, wish i would have thought of this idea. :(

  • Brandon scott gorrell

    i'm all for plath

    • Oliver Miller

      The correct answer is “Anne Sexton,” um, yep.

  • Lazyroar

    I choose option C: Edna St. Vincent Millay.

    • http://lazyroar.blogspot.com/ Lazyroar

      Though I guess technically she wasn't suicidal.

    • Oliver Miller

      Edna was a freak, yo. Maybe we'll poll for her next time around.

  • Chaoscossack

    Just how old are some of the writers for “Thought” Catalog?
    I would guess early teens, judging by articles like this one.

  • karen

    Plath!

  • http://twitter.com/iamtully stephen

    #poetrybyemilydickinson

    • earlobe

      i imagine emily dickinson to be the personification of a dead petrified crow in regards to sex. just sayin.

  • conor

    jamaica plain has no s in it #fyi

  • http://philolzophy.tumblr.com/ phiLOLZophy

    Who would you bang: Neal Cassady or Jack Kerouac?

    http://www.philolzophy.com/pos

    • Oliver Miller

      Okay, that's weird. I swear I wrote this article more than a year ago, and I didn't pick the word “bang” for the title; my editor did that. So… a coincidence. Synchronicity!

      • http://philolzophy.tumblr.com/ phiLOLZophy

        There are only a limited number of things litsters fantasize about, anachronistic banging being one of them.

  • Guest

    Plath seems a little more mysterious… in a dramatic way. And I like a little mystery, so Plath? Plus, if I'm allowed to be extra shallow, Sexton seems a little too model pretty. I kinda like the whole, cute-real-woman look that Plath had going on.

  • http://twitter.com/rantsfromron Ron Graves

    Plath, if she'd looked as good as the pic on the home page, which is actually Gwyneth Paltrow.

    • Oliver Miller

      It's Gwyneth playing Sylvia in a very bad bio-pic that I have never seen.

  • Kat

    Just wondering how do we know Julia Stiles likes Sylvia P? Is it because she was reading 'The Bell Jar” at home in the movie Ten ThingsI H8 abt U? I chose Anne Sexton. Don't really know why it was just on instinct.

    • RamonaCC

      Well, I've read that Stiles has been working for years to try to adapt 'The Bell Jar' into a movie, and that she was often seen going to Smith College and visiting their Sylvia Plath Collection which houses her letters, etc.

  • Jimmy

    Not entirely fair. Anne Sexton gets a bathing suit picture.

    • Oliver Miller

      There were some copyright issues wherein I couldn't necessarily pick the exact photo of S.P. that I wanted. Here's Sylvia in a semi-bikini thing:

      http://patrishka.files.wordpre

  • http://twitter.com/ellie_rex danielle garza

    PLATH

  • earlobe

    Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath are two poets whom I have a hard time gauging in regards to whom I like more or appreciate more. (Yes, I'm aware we're talking in regards to who I would rather bang, but I digress.) Seeing as how I have an Anne Sexton quote tattooed to my arm, I am often times more partial to her work particularly in regards to her takes on fairy tales (see Transformations), but there is something fantastic about Plath and I have contemplated printing her words on my body as well but then I am just getting too pitiful and ridiculous and a bit morbid. I would have sex Plath in any case me thinks, but probably marry Sexton or drink or ingest drugs with her.

  • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

    Not Plath because she killed herself because her husband cheated, or his cheating pushed her over the edge. Sexton seems more psychotic, so after “banging” her for a certain period of time, she'd probably get all 5150 for some odd reason and you could leave her then. But if you “banged” Plath she'd get all passive agressive and kill herself and you'd be like, “Fuck you penis! I know I shouldn't have listned to you.”

  • http://twitter.com/goutspleen victoria trott

    someone told me i look like the child of Sylvia Plath and Ryan Gosling

    check out my fashion blog

    • earlobe

      BWHAHAHhahahahaha

    • :|

      YUCK. GET OUT.

  • lamesauce

    Is Thought Catalogue the new Gawker for stupid and pretentious teens? Sure seems like it. This is horrendous.

    • earlobe

      you must know really cool and awesome pretentious teens because all the twat-ass pretentious teens i know don't know jackshit about poetry let alone plath or sexton.

  • Brandon scott gorrell

    plath for the win!

    • Oliver Miller

      fml

      • Oliver Miller

        An open letter to all the utterly insane people who voted “Sylvia Plath”: …I would like to share with you this picture of Anne Sexton. You're welcome.

        http://thisrecording.com/stora

      • http://valentine-kitchenson.tumblr.com valentine-kitchenson

        That's not to say Sylvia wasn't attractive:

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    Hope this becomes a regular feature. Possible future editions:

    Which depressed man with facial hair would you rather take up the ass: Ernest Hemmingway or Richard Brautigan?

    Which depressed flag bearer of an 'artistic movement' would you rather get head from: Kurt Cobain or Sarah Kane?

    • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

      Tried to think of one for Mishima. But the results of google searchs, “suicidal asians” were dense and hard to navigate.

  • http://twitter.com/dearhumanity E

    They're both Scorpios so obviously sex with either of them would be awesome. BUT I'm choosing Plath because The Bell Jar nurtured me through high school.

  • http://twitter.com/straponheart Evan Hatch

    I'm more of an “Allen Ginsberg” man myself.

  • Katrina

    Plath! Plath! Plath!

  • guest

    there was a man
    who had them both
    he can’t tell you
    who was best
    or anything
    else anymore

  • Jms

    You’ve got to go to youtube and watch Anne Sexton read “Wanting to Die” and then you will know just how sexy she was.  Hot! Hot! Hot!  

  • Christine Byrd65

    Who is responsible for this bizarre question?  Seems to me that anyone who would take a poll of this nature would be illiterate.  Who gave you these two names???  Jerk. 

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