ADDITIONAL BONUS FUN TIME – NON-CATEGORY CATEGORY — ARTISTS AND BANDS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONE-HIT WONDERS
As with so many other things in life, taste (and internal consistency) can be your only guide here. For myself, I can say with confidence that I only need one goddamn Mariah Carey song… EVER. (And that song would be “Honey.”) And I don’t need any Pearl Jam songs, but hey; that’s a little off-topic.
Phil Collins should have clearly stopped with “Sussudio.” (Or maybe “Invisible Touch,” if we’re being charitable.) Kid Rock did not heed our clear psychic messages to go… the fuck… away… after “Badwitaba.” But even better bands might have been better off as one-hit-wonders. If Journey had only released “Don’t Stop Believing,” we’d lose “Any Way You Want It” …but would that have been such a tragedy, considering that it makes me think of Rodney Dangerfield movies ?
Likewise, Elton John. What if he had done only “Tiny Dancer”? Sure, I like “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters,” but I would have also been spared “Someone Saved My Life Tonight.”
One word: Billy Joel. That’s two words. Two additional words: “Piano Man.” Just end it right there, please.
Soundgarden doesn’t work for this experiment, because their one “hit” would have been “Black Hole Sun,” which is the worst song that I’ve ever heard in my life.
Treading into somewhat fuzzier territory… “Sweet Child O’Mine” is one of the greatest songs ever recorded, but what if Axel Rose had died in an unexpected bus accident immediately after “Welcome to the Jungle”? Yeah, we’d lose some good stuff, but the man would be worshiped as a singular perfect legend… instead of what we’ve got now.
How about Bob Dylan? I like about five of his songs… but do we really need the other seven thousand? But this hypothetical would force me to choose between “Like a Rolling Stone” and “Subterranean Homesick Blues,” which is clearly impossible. So Bob Dylan escapes this hypothetical.
The Kinks, The Byrds, Jefferson Airplane, The Animals… I’m not advising one way or another. Just think about it, is all I’m saying. The Byrds have three good songs, right ? Would we be willing to keep one, ditch the other two, and forgo the 300 not-so-good songs? It’s a difficult question. Jefferson Airplane? I’m a little less conflicted about that one. And if Grace Slick dies at twenty-five via choking on a ham sandwich, then there’s never any “We Built This City.”
Think it over.
Think it over…
The Smashing Pumpkins.
The Beastie Boys.
The possibilities are endless.
One thing is clear, though. Pearl Jam is a really shitty band.
…In the end, we must learn to treasure our one-hit wonders the way that we must learn to treasure every singular moment of our time on this earth. …Like sand through the hourglass, these are the one-hit wonders of our lives.