You were long gone, when I started to realize how much I learned while living my life without you…
I can spend all day with myself and still be happy about it. I missed you for so much time, but at the end of the day, I’m good with myself. I also learned that I am enough, in any possible sense: good enough, brave enough, intelligent enough, strong enough…to just be alone!
I had to reconstruct everything, even my old passions
I shared a lot with you. Not just my love life and most of my secrets, but also a lot of passions. Passions I had since I was a child… and when you left I just felt incomplete, like all my dreams and aspirations were broken by you. Who was I? What could I do to be the person I always wanted to be, if you weren’t with me anymore? How could I keep running my passions if those same passions remind me of you everyday? I had to build everything up again, from 0 to 10. It was hard and nerve wracking. But it was worth it. Because I understood just one, essential thing: my passions belong to me. Just me.
Writing is therapeutic
I wrote a lot. Every day, every thought. I made myself strong again by writing down all my emotions and feelings. Writing was my medicine and still is my cure. And thanks to you leaving me, I discovered how much I can do with just a pen and some paper
Love was not you
Love was not worrying about you loving me or not. Love was not waking up together, giving kisses, or sharing the same ice cream. Love is something you don’t need to worry about. Love is just giving without expecting, caring without a reason, putting the other one’s happiness before yours. I have loved you, a lot. But that love was so young and naive, that I basically broke myself by loving you, the one who didn’t really understand what love is.
I am the only one who can make myself happy
It’s not you, it’s me. For real. I am the one who wakes up in the morning and manages to make breakfast and not go crazy about all the work I have to do. I am the one who picks me up when the night is dark and I feel insecure. I am the one, the only one, who can create something even by using my own sadness. I am the one who can make every bad day a good one. Just because I am the one, and no one else can be.
You’re the one who lost something
I gained so much, those years without you. I grew up, a lot. I discovered passions I thought I had lost. I made myself a whole new person, just by loving the old me and giving her the time and space to grow and find herself again. I gave me opportunities, being strong and brave as you have never made me feel. So, I’m not the loser of the situation. But you, you lost something really special: you lost me.