We pass through life. We just pass through it without really thinking about what it all means, why it all happens.
Why does it happen?
Why did your friend betray you? Why are you stuck in a job you don’t enjoy? Why are you in an unfulfilling relationship? Why do you have acne? Or migraines? Or broke your leg? Why do you experience problems and challenges?
I’m about to blow your mind.
It all happens because of you.
It all happens because of your deep-seated thoughts, beliefs, long-held anger or resentment – because of negativity in your mind.
This might be tough for some to hear, while others will just say that this is a tooty-fruity overly simplistic way of explaining our lives – especially the ‘bad’ experiences we might encounter.
Consider this, what if you really are responsible for all the bad things in your life. What if all those thoughts like “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never be successful”, “I wish the acne just went away”, “FML”, and “This day sucks” all bring you exactly what you asked for?
If you knew and could accept that positive thoughts can actually change your reality, why wouldn’t you want to think positively?
Can you think of a cheaper solution to make your problems turn into opportunities?
Why not replace, “I hate my boss” with, “I have the best relationship with my boss”?
By thinking this one positive thought, your whole relationship with your boss will change. Your behavior will subtly change around them, and they’ll just like you more because of it.
It’s like you’re changing your vibe, your frequency. You begin to vibrate on another level…A level where things happen the way you actually want them to happen.
How likely are you to have a great relationship with anybody when you’re having an undercurrent of negative thoughts about them? How can such a relationship thrive?
We live in a culture where loving yourself is almost unfathomable. If you love yourself than you’re probably crazy and/or you read too much Wayne Dyer (God rest his incredible soul).
When I got a t-shirt that said, “I Totally Agree With Myself” it pissed off anybody who saw it. Why can’t we just approve, accept, and love ourselves without it being a bad thing?
Why does this concept seem so crazy?
I tell you this: the lack of self-love is the root of all your problems: of your neighbor’s problems, of your mom’s problems, of everyone’s problems.
I know, it’s amazing. Self-love is everything.
How does that make you feel? Do you feel guilty? Upset? Annoyed? Happy?
I hope you’re happy! I don’t want you to feel guilt, shame, anger…And you don’t have to. We’re all in the same boat.
So is it bad to feel guilt, anger, shame? Everything is neither good or bad, it just is. But what’s important to understand is that negative thoughts come from the past, a learned pattern of thinking from past experiences that makes you feel bad now.
Is it good for you to feel bad now, when your thoughts and feelings are rooted in the past? Of, course not.
Chances are you want to resist what I’m saying.
The resistance is a very strong force in all of us, keeping us from living the life we actually want.
This undercurrent of self-loathing, negativity, and resistance comes from our childhoods. We learned about the world around us by seeing how the people around us react to it.
Some of you may have had loving parents who treated you with only love, while others may have had parents who behaved sporadically…Imposing too many rules on you, making you feel guilt or shame when you made a mistake.
I had a little of both, and grew up to be an extremely rigid perfectionist.
I suffered from migraines for years, and with acne on and off for more than a decade. I thought I loved myself, but there was some underlying issue that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, because the acne would come back once in a while.
I’ve become incredibly health conscious (almost perfect in my diet, skincare routine, lifestyle) but there was still a missing piece since I actually got a bad case of acne when I was at my healthiest and most strict.
Strict = rigid = controlling = angry.
I looked for outside sources for my acne, blaming products, until I finally decided to look inside. I decided that I must be thinking wrong – that there had to be an issue with my mindset. My internal programming was off somehow, it had to be. I just had a feeling that I needed to look inside – something was broken but I didn’t know what.
While researching other possible underlying causes of this new adult acne, I stumbled upon an article mentioning Louise Hay’s book Heal Your Body.
I decided to take it one step further and got her You Can Heal Your Life audiobook and started listening to it on my walks.
You know the old adage, “If the student asks the question, the master will appear?”…Well it happened to me, and as always, the timing was perfect. I was finally ready to go digging in myself, to realize why I didn’t allow myself to just BE.
Turns out migraines are a symptom of perfectionism and self-invalidation. A surprising tip from Louise Hay herself: If you have a migraine you should masturbate immediately, it will release tension. Thanks Louise, will get on that!
And skin problems are a symptom of unresolved anger.
I grew up happy for the most part, but with random fits of extreme anger. I most definitely learned this from a certain somebody in my life. Later on in life I knew my anger was irrational, so I would suppress it – keeping it inside as much as I could.
With age I grew less angry, but that sort of thing stays with you until you intentionally let it go.
Anger has to be released or at the very least acknowledged. You can scream in your car, or you can just say, “I’m angry.” Often acknowledging anger is enough to let it go.
It’s important to note that this isn’t a scapegoat mission – you don’t look for someone or something outside of yourself to blame for your current situation. It’s simply a way to acknowledge, accept, forgive, and move forward with gratitude for the experience.
I was angry because I chose to be angry, not because someone has made it so. Now I was choosing to let go of the anger, and to let go of resentment, to forgive, and to love.
I went through life thinking I was whole, without baggage, with beginner’s eyes. This was illusory. My past had a hand in shaping who I am today.
You can’t just ignore the environmental factors that shape your behavior or your understanding of the world, and you certainly can’t ignore your past. However, after understanding where these things come from, you can begin to move forward and change.
Change is possible at any age, at any stage. Don’t say that you won’t change, because then you won’t.
It’s your decision. Every thought is your decision.
I’m an ever evolving being – evolving is the key word.
Thinking of myself as evolving instead of evolved takes the pressure off. It makes me feel better to know that I can keep learning, keep making mistakes, and that’s okay.
It’s human nature to want to be evolved (done, finished), or perfect. But being evolving, being in the process, in the flow, is different from being evolved. It’s more realistic, more attainable, and more fun.
This book has changed my life. I walk around with a smile on my face when I’m ALONE. I enjoy my own company more, I enjoyed cleaning my apartment today, and I even thanked my apricot and tomato for tasting so damn sweet.
Food tastes better, the sky looks bluer, and I’m attracting increasingly more wonderful experiences into my life. It kind of feels magical the way things are falling into place – all because I willed them to with positive thinking.
I feel this overwhelming gratitude now – that quite frankly I don’t care about my skin anymore. I have so many things to be grateful for, SO MANY THINGS.
I used to feel fleeting pangs of overwhelming gratitude, but now I’ve made gratitude my constant state. I’m grateful to be able to sit outside enjoying this beautiful spring night as I write to you.
I write this today to hold myself accountable to self-love, and to remember this wonderful lesson that I learned. I think I finally get this self-love thing.
I tried the no-complaining challenge before but failed miserably. It’s just so easy to complain left and right about the smallest things. But after reading this book and practicing the principles, I see a real difference in my being and I don’t ever want to complain about anything else EVER again.
Yes, it’s true. We are a culture of complainers, just check out Yelp (this is not me complaining). If you find yourself amongst a group of complainers, just don’t add fuel to the negativity fire.
But don’t shame these people or have negative thoughts about their negativity. Just accept them, and realize that other people’s words and actions have no bearing on your internal state – that part is all you, baby.
I listen to others complain with no judgement now – I understand that they’re coming from a place of unresolved pain. In my own mind I think, “I love you”. This eases the impact of their words.
I’m determined not to let negativity, or somebody else’s views phase me or influence my positive undercurrent. My vibe can’t be killed – I won’t let it be killed. “I’m accept the good in the world”.
See, being broken doesn’t mean that you can’t be fixed!
So how can you love yourself truly and fully?
Start by turning every harsh thought you have about yourself, your situation, your friend, your lover, or the sales person into a positive thought.
We magnify that which we focus on. Instead of focusing on my acne and thinking, “My skin sucks.” I now think, “I have clear skin. I’m healthy. I’m grateful for this body.”.
If you hate your job, think, “I’m open to the opportunity of a new job that I love!”
If you don’t like your significant other, “I’m open to a great new relationship.”
If you’re in debt, “I accept money into my life.”
If you want to change but don’t think you’re capable, remind yourself that you are wonderful by saying it in the mirror. Say it for as long as you must to actually believe it.
It’s actually incredibly impactful to look yourself in the eye and tell yourself that you love yourself, and that you accept and approve of yourself. I’ve started doing it, and it just makes me smile more.
“I’m wonderful. I’m so happy to be in this slender, healthy body. I love my house, this meal, my neighbor. I’m open to change. I’m a magnet for prosperity. Thank you lettuce for finding your way onto my plate”.
If this is how you think, you’ll be shocked at how well things are going to go. You’ll have more energy, more inspiration, more joy, and even more money if you do everything with gratitude and love.
If you have an addiction, you’re unhealthy, or if you’re just unhappy with your current situation, there’s a reason for it: You.
Don’t blame yourself, or anybody else for your situation. Blame, shame, anger, and guilt are a major waste of mental energy. Instead accept who you are right now and where you are right now, because this moment is necessary in your evolution.
You are where you need to be, and you’ll go where you need to go.
Practicing gratitude will change your life. Instead of complaining about one soggy lettuce leaf, see all the other green lettuce leaves and be grateful that you have enough lettuce to even afford lettuce. You know what I mean?
Above all else, remember that you have the power to choose your reality by choosing your thoughts..
That’s some real power.
Try to monitor your internal monologue and observe without judgement how you talk about yourself and others. If there’s any negativity there, you know you have to change.
“I accept and welcome change.”
So if you are the creator of your own reality? What are you going to create?