You Will Finally Get There

woman standing on plain brown field
Pete Bellis / Unsplash

I know you can’t imagine it right now…. how you will get to the point where you feel ok again with your life. But I’m here to tell you that you’ll get there. It probably won’t be tomorrow but you will… eventually.

I was in your shoes before. It was a struggle… one after another for years. But I’m finally here now…. the point where I’m completely ok with how things are in life. How I can’t dictate or control how/when/where/with whom certain event is going to happen. You see, my life has been ‘by the book’ since I was young enough to remember anything. Going to school, studying hard, getting straight As, joining athletic teams, going off to college, grad schools (yes, because one was not enough!), getting a job, etc. I’ve ‘accomplished’ what the book says what life should look like. So, with those important milestones, I was used to getting things done and seeing things turn out relative to how much effort I put into them. That’s because I, and only myself, was ‘in control’.

But real life is more than that… more than what you can predict or set them to be. Either when you’re in a relationship, at your job, or even with your friends and family. Whenever you have to deal with another human being, you’re not totally in control. I’m sure you’ve experienced this many times…when a disappointment happens, it hurts. That’s simply because you have an expectation. You set a rule for people to behave the way you want them to be. I’m telling you right now to stop doing that. The only thing you can expect others to be is being respectful. That’s it!

In order to enjoy your life, you need to let go of the expectations. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have your standards. But sometimes we tend to set the bar far too high for normal people to achieve. It’s best to learn to accept people the way they are. Nobody is perfect. Most of the time they don’t have a bad intention to hurt you. They are just who they are. Embrace those differences and see only the ‘good’ in people. Stop dictating how anything or anyone should be.

Once you can finally let go of the ‘expectations’, you’ll feel so much lighter. Once you can finally let things ‘be’, you’ll feel much more relaxed. Once you finally accept people the way they are, you’ll finally accept your own flaws. But I know it’s difficult to get there. I’m sure you’ll go through the phase of ‘adjustment’. You’ll feel so vulnerable and scared because you are not in control of everything anymore. But trust me.. it feels so much better to just go with the flow than trying to be in charge of every single details. That’s very exhausting.

What you can only control is yourself. Do whatever makes you happy. Don’t force things to happen. Trust that whichever way it goes, it’s for the best. Learn to accept that everything happens for a reason. Pick your battle carefully. Sometimes you don’t need to be right if that doesn’t really make you happy. Even if you don’t believe in God, know that there is some magical force out there that takes care of you. You’ll always be ok. There is always a good in every ‘goodbye’ you come across. And just because you don’t get something you want doesn’t mean you will never get it. it’s important to remember that sometimes what you thought was right actually might not be right. It’s always possible that what is truly right (for you) hasn’t arrived yet. We don’t know what future holds but I strongly believe that there is something or someone better waiting for you out there. But you won’t get it, to experience it, if you never let go of the past. Believe that every failure prepares you for a success in the future.

The only thing you can do right now is learn to forgive, let go, and make peace with everything around you. The feeling of calmness does not happen overnight. Practice your mind to ‘be in the moment’ and focus on the positive…one day at a time. When you feel like you can’t do it, just try it one more day… and then one more… and one more. Soon, you’ll just ‘be’. And that’s when you finally reach the point of ‘satisfaction’. Trust me when I say you’ll get there. You will… and the feeling is so amazing that you’ll look back at your life wondering why you even worried about any of those issues in the first place. TC mark

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